No Ordinary Memory
by castlefan6
Summary: This is the sequel to Life Reassessment loosely based on the episode, Cops and Robbers, except Rick is injured protecting Martha and Bank Teller Simone. It begins where LR left off, no time-lapse but characters who may not resemble those from Canon. I hope you enjoy it, so please leave me a note or review.
1. Chapter 1

**No Ordinary Memory **

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Another What If based on the continuing saga **_**Life Reassessment**_** loosely based on the episode, Cops and Robbers, except Rick is injured protecting Martha and Bank Teller Simone. It starts with Canon dialog, goes quickly completely AU. No dinner, no boasts of who saved who, and twists of fate in the Castle's lives. For the full effect please read that fic first.**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

_**Previously from **_**Life Reassessment**

"_**Would you fly out to Phoenix and meet with Ava and me; it might require some time off from the force"**_

"_**Rick, why don't you ask me what you really want to know?"**_

"_**Damn, you still have it, OK, would you ever consider leaving the force and working in my company, you won't be a kept woman you will have a real job, with real responsibilities,"**_

"_**You asked would I consider it, that answer is Yes I would, but I still don't think you asked the question you really wanted to, go ahead Rick, ask it"**_

"_**Kate, would you leave the force and work for me, I worry about you day and night, and as you said, I've been through hell seeing you injured, shot, and hospitalized, I don't know if I can take it if something happened to you after we worked so hard to come together."**_

"_**Rick you want me to work for you, or do you want us to be a real US, Babe, ask the question you really want. Oh, by the way, I tenured my resignation tonight after our call with Dr. Burke and Gupta, I was coming to see you if you would have me, regardless, so please Rick, ask the question."**_

"_**Kate, would you come out to Phoenix and work with us on this project, I just bought our office, well house but there are 9 bedrooms and Ava has her own suite, so would we, if I can entice you to come to me."**_

*****************************************************************************/**

**Chapter 1**

**From Life Reassessment**

"Yeah, I'm slow, but I'm figuring it out now that there are different types of loves. Rick said something about reassessing his life after his near-death experience, and I guess I've done the same. I can see what matters to me now, and all the other things I held so important were just in my way of true happiness. I'm not leaving him ladies, not until he makes me. I know now what True Love Waits means."

Kate was engulfed in a group hug, then Janet pulled back, her eyes still full of tears,

"We better get this show on the road Trey, but Kate, please love him as he loves you, he's been hurt so much he deserves a happily ever after"

"That's what I'm planning Janet, thank you, now can you get me to him, I ache for his touch"

"TMI Kate, but we'll have you there in a few hours, enjoy the flight," Janet laughed, and closed the cockpit door, silver wings were in-flight moments later, and Kate was still pinching herself. She would be in his arms in hours, she couldn't wait.

Xx

Trey brought Kate a glass of her favorite wine, how did she know, eh, never mind was there anything that her man, yeah that's right her man, wouldn't do to please her. God, she loved him so very much, she couldn't wait to she was in his arms to prove in another way just how much she loved him, needed him and respected him for the beautiful person he was.

She knew he would have questions, so as she sat sipping her wine, she started jotting down questions he would be wondering, well at least she would if roles were reversed. The first was one he raised earlier with her and the Doctors, Why and Why Now was she coming forward.

She sipped her wine, closed her eyes, and thought about her answer, a truthful one from her soul. She started to jot down her answer, then decided to change the format to a letter, Rick loved letters or notes from her, so he had said. "When someone takes the time to craft something in written form, it means they cared enough about me to invest the time or simply put, I'm worth the investment to that person"

She began with her new mantra,

"_**Rick, no matter what happens to me, to you, nothing will destroy the WE that we have become, I love you with all of my heart and I will ALWAYS. Below is a letter I'm writing on the plane to tell you the answers to some of the questions I'm sure you still have, by the way, when you asked me to come to stay with you, I almost died, it was a prayer answered. This is the start Babe if you want to know something, ASK, I'm an open book to you, have I told you that I loved you, Richard Castle" **_

"_**Dear Rick, **_

_**First, thank you for accepting me, I know I'm a mess, I know I've made your life hell, but please believe me those days are gone, you are my purpose for life. You asked a fair question, WHY, or WHY NOW, I know I would like the answer if I were you. **_

"_**This is from my heart, it may not meet clinical standards, but all I know was when I almost died, I had to make a choice, my Mom was near me with her arm reached out to take me to her, then I looked down, and you were holding me in the cemetery, saying such sweet words, I looked at Mom, she nodded and I took your hand and came back to you. I never told anyone, not even Doctor Burke, so perhaps if you agree Ava can meet with us both, and give clarity to that NDE for me.**_

"_**I never hesitated Rick, for what it's worth, Mom was there, I saw myself laying on the ground with you, but I knew I loved you and I couldn't leave you without showing you. I guess when I was recovering, I fought the fact that I had a choice and I was with someone other than you, someone that I didn't love and I had made such a mess of your life as well. I often thought I should have taken Mom's arm and just ended it, but I know she would have been disappointed if I had.**_

"_**To your credit Rick, I'll never forget your patience and love, I felt it in every touch, every cup of coffee, every smile, I knew you loved me and I was the coward for so long, I never told you how I felt. You offered me every excuse you could think of, including PTSD to make excuses for my actions. Some of it was true, but Rick, I loved you then and I was a coward not to tell you, I'm sorrier for that than anything other than you getting hurt in that damn bank.**_

"_**Babe, my life passed in front of my eyes as you said, I saw the NDE replay, with Mom, with you and with the EMT's coming into focus, all over again. Every time I closed my eyes, I dreamed you didn't choose me, you chose someone on the other side. I woke up in chills kicking myself for not being brave enough to say three words, I Love You. **_

"_**Those three words made me reach for your hand in my NDE, I knew I loved you, Mom nodded, and I know this may sound like a crazy person writing, but Rick, you saved me not once, but several times as I hid like the coward I was, I am sorry for the hurt I caused you. **_

"_**I know now, that loving someone is wanting all of them, the good, the bad, the fun and even the scary times. I cheated us out of some of those times, but never again, I promise you. I'm yours for as long as you will have me, and I will wake each day thankful for your love, I don't care about the title, as long as I'm your girl.**_

"_**I bet you are wondering, who the hell is this woman, and what happened to Beckett? Well, Babe, she found love, and the courage to tell you when you've been awake from a serious injury for more than the blink of an eye. I'm sorry I rushed that on you, but I'll never be sorry for saying those words, finally. I love you Richard Castle, where you go, I go with you, as long as you want me.**_

"_**I'm sorry for the thoughts I had about Ava, about Jordan, about every woman who looked at you for a nanosecond longer than I thought they should, even when I had no right, I was still jealous. I understand now, that is just a reflection on my insecurity, not yours. I trust you; I respect you, and I'm proud to be with you, Always,**_

_**I Love You,**_

_**Always,**_

_**Kate,**_

She folded the letter carefully and put it in her purse, finished the third glass of wine that Trey had brought her, and closed her eyes. It seemed like only a few minutes later, Trey was gently waking her,

"Kate, time to wake up, you need to buckle up, we'll be landing in about twenty minutes, can I get you anything else? I brewed coffee, and we still have some if you like, even have the sugar free vanilla you take in it", as she laughed

Kate rose, stretched, and looked into the woman's eyes, they were happy, like everyone who worked for Rick, he made sure of that.

"That coffee sounds great Trey, I won't bother to ask about the sugar-free vanilla," she smiled,

"What can I say, Rick knows everyone's likes and dislikes, almost like a sixth sense. He sent Janet and I to an all-expense paid trip of our choice last year for our 5th anniversary, no one even knew we got married, but Rick did and increased both our pay so we could buy a bigger and better home. Janet has loved him since she met him, I was a bit jealous at first, till I met him and I love him now as she does. Please, Kate, don't hurt him, he's been through so much" tears were in her eyes,

"I'm sorry that was out of line, I mean I work for you, I shouldn't be saying things like that" as her face turned red.

"Trey, would you feel comfortable telling Rick what you just said, if you do, then you have every right to protect the man I love, I'm glad you do, even from me if need be."

Trey smiled, "Rick was right, every time he spoke of you, his eyes would sparkle, he told Jan and I wait till you meet her, you'll love her, everyone does"

Just then the tone dinged twice indicating Janet was about to make the final approach,

"I better get back, I'm glad we got to talk, see you on the ground" as she hurried to the cockpit,

Xx

Kate enjoyed one of the smoothest landings she had ever experienced, most of the commercial flights she had taken recently you wondered if you landed or were shot down. Janet made it feel like a feather touch kissing the runway. As soon as they had taxied to a private airstrip and hangar, a driver appeared with a town car, as Trey pulled Kate's two bags from the storage area,

"Trey, Janet, thank you so very much, it was a great flight, the best I've had in a very long time." She pulled the two in for a hug, "Thanks for loving Rick and protecting him as well, I appreciate it, I do love him and I will prove it to everyone"

Janet had tears in her eyes, as Trey wrapped her arm around her, "Kate's he's so much more than a boss to us, he's our best friend, and now we have added you to that circle, so thank you for accepting us"

Another hug and she parted, "I'll tell Rick you send your love; I know you do" as she laughed,

"Please do Kate, we'll talk to you soon"

She walked to the limo and the driver hadn't opened the door yet, but had stored her luggage, then outstepped her love, as she screamed, "Rick, when you said you would see me soon, I didn't think you would meet me here, God I missed you," as her mouth found his and covered it. Minutes went by as each discovered the other's lips, tongue, and just the glory of being together, finally.

The driver had gone around to his door, leaving Rick and Kate some privacy, as I love you, and I missed you were whispered over and over Rick held her in his arms as if he would never let her go, then he gently placed her in the limo, and closed the door. "Babe, I missed you, Thank You for taking me back, I'm yours, whatever you do, wherever you go, please just take me with you. I can't be away from you anymore, I almost went crazy," the kissing started on the next round, till finally, Rick whispered,

"You know the quicker we get home the quicker we can do this in less cramped spaces", as he kissed her deeply and then picked the phone up,

"Thanks, Duane, we're ready now"

Rick pulled her into his lap, she laid her head on his shoulder smelling the cologne that had only been in her deepest memories, for so long. She wept quietly with joy, and Rick just dabbed her eyes, as he turned her face to him.

"I love you Kate, no more tears, unless they're happy tears, OK?"

"These are happy tears, Rick, I thought I had blown every chance with you, thank you for loving me so much, I'll make it up to you, I promise."

"Kate, as he kissed her gently, please stop saying you're sorry, this is day one of US, Rickate, or whatever name you decide, OK?"

She laid her head back on his shoulder, she held his hand, it was almost like she wanted to crawl inside him and fill herself with his love, to his credit, he was just as touchy-feely as she was.

"Before I left the precinct the last day, I heard Javi and Kev talking, they called us Caskett because of working murders so if that fits, I'm fine."

"Kate, welcome to half of Caskett, I love it, and I love you. What did you tell your Dad or Lanie?"

"How did you know I talked to Lanie, did she call you already, I'm going to kill her" she laughed,

"I told her when I left that I was resigning from the force, that Jordan had all my Mom's material, and that I was headed to Phoenix to camp out in front of your place till I could make you fall in love with me, or feel sorry enough to take me in"

"I bet she told you how dumb that was"

"You want to know the truth, as she stole a few sweet kisses from him, she asked me what the hell took me so long, she was giving me one more month then she was going to try to seduce you. I told her she better be kidding, but you know Rick, I'm not sure now"

He laughed, "Kate, I have one woman, in my lap, in my arms, finally more than in my dreams, so she wouldn't stand a chance, not with my Always."

That brought tears to Kate's eyes, then her mouth pulled his into a long battle of short, then longer kisses, tongues battling, sweetly not feverishly, but in a way to let the other know they were there and would always be.

"I dreamed of these kisses Kate, there are even better than the one I remember from the alley, God your kisses are addicting Kate, and in case I haven't told you, I love you too."

They had just pulled apart from another make-out session, when did she start acting like a high school girl on her first date, it didn't matter, she liked kissing her man, when the chime sounded from Duane, followed by his deep voice,

"Excuse me Mr. Castle ETA is 7 minutes,"

Rick picked the phone up and replied, "Thank You, Duane,"

Kate stole one long kiss before sliding off his lap, but refused to let go of his hand, she needed to know he was really there.

"Babe, I wrote something to you on the plane, I know it's not the best, but I hope it will help. Read it when you can."

"How about we read it together later in our bed, would that be too presumptuous, for my lady?"

"Just show the way, no way are you getting away from me," the tears flowed now, "Rick how can you be so forgiving when I did nothing but hurt you for all that time, don't get me wrong, I love that you are, but how do you do it?"

"I had and have faith in US Kate, I always knew this day would come, at least I kept praying it would."

She kissed him deep and sweetly, "Thank you, that's the sweetest thing you have ever said to me, I do Love You"

"I know Kate, that's why I hung on, I truly believed that you did and that all I had to do was wait, thank God I did"

The car came to a stop, Rick stole one more kiss, then lifted her gently placing her beside him, then exited the door, holding it for her.

"Welcome to our home Kate, Welcome to the start of a true US, I love you too"

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**No Ordinary Memory **

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Another What If based on the continuing saga **_**Life Reassessment**_** loosely based on the episode, Cops and Robbers, except Rick is injured protecting Martha and Bank Teller Simone. It starts with Canon dialog, it goes quickly wholly AU. Since this is a sequel, please read that first. No dinner, no boasts of who saved who, and twists of fate in the Castle's lives. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

_**Previously **_

"_**I know now, that loving someone is wanting all of them, the good, the bad, the fun and even the scary times. I cheated us out of some of those times, but never again, I promise you. I'm yours for as long as you will have me, and I will wake each day thankful for your love, I don't care about the title, as long as I'm your girl.**_

"_**I bet you are wondering, who the hell is this woman, and what happened to Beckett? Well, Babe, she found love, and the courage to tell you when you've been awake from a serious injury for more than the blink of an eye. I'm sorry I rushed that on you, but I'll never be sorry for saying those words, finally. I love you Richard Castle, where you go, I go with you, as long as you want me.**_

*****************************************************************************/**

**Chapter 2**

**447 S Rockhill Road**

**Phoenix AZ**

Kate stepped out of the car and was immediately in shock at the size, and beauty of the home, she had seen homes similar, but only in Good Housekeeping magazines. It had a rock garden with a statue of a goddess, spewing water into the small circular pool, whose sprays were choreographed and changed almost every other cycle. It took her breath away, as she heard Rick whisper,

"Well do you like it? It's not New York but I have only been here for one day, we get to learn the home together. I have no clue what some of these switches do" it was great to hear his laughter, real laughter once again.

"Rick, it could be a tent or a homeless shelter, as long as we're together that's all I want, I know it's strange but you better get used to it. The old Detective Beckett, hard ass, and sometimes downright cruel is gone. You taught me a lot more than crime-solving Rick, you taught me how to really love."

He pulled her into a kiss, and as they started up the walkway, with each step a new light came on to illuminate their path, all the way to the double doors. She walked in ahead of Rick, and gasped, the chandelier, was just beautiful, it had more crystal than she had ever seen, and then just ahead was a lady in a green pantsuit, standing with two drinks.

"Welcome Kate, Welcome back Rick, I thought you could use these. She handed each a drink, then looked at Kate directly, "I'm overjoyed you are here, and just to set the record straight, once and for all, there has been no as you call it Hanky Panky between us, and never will be. I love him, but not the way he loves you, and you love him. I'm sorry you got upset, there's no competition for you Kate, never has been."

Kate blushed, then walked over and hugged the young doctor, "Thanks Ava, I'm truly sorry for my part in your heartache, I swear I didn't know, but I should have had him vetted."

"Oh Kate, you really did me a favor, it opened my eyes that I had to love myself for me, not for what someone wanted me to be. It was tough, the heart surgery, I wouldn't recommend calling off a wedding when you're just out of the hospital from open heart, but hey it all worked out."

The ladies seemed to click from the first contact, Rick stood smiling, it was important that his right arm and his love of his life were compatible, he loved them both deeply in different ways.

"Kate, would you like to see the house, we just got here yesterday, so we are still figuring out what switch does what" she laughed,

They walked through the beautiful home, and Kate was surprised at just how much she felt at home already. Maybe it was because she hadn't let go of Rick's hand since they had entered the door. He was in no hurry to set her free as he occasionally stole kisses when he thought Ava didn't see.

Ava's suite was huge, and she had begun to put her touches on it, but there was only so much you could do in 24 hours. Kate noticed the thickness of the walls, from her huge walk-in closet, and before she could say anything, Ava smiled, "All rooms are soundproof Kate, so have fun, I think you know what I mean" and then a giggle came out.

Kate's face turned red, but Rick turned the tide, "Ava, was that a giggle, really the Doctor giggles?"

"Ok, ok, it was a giggle, and I only do it when I'm really happy. Kate, we'll have plenty of time to discuss A New Horizon and what you would like to do, God knows we need help in so many ways, but tonight you have another task."

Kate looked up and Rick winked, "What the esteemed doctor isn't saying Babe, is this is our suite. Your closet has been stocked, like Ava's was, by our personal shopper if you don't care for anything just set it aside, and Robin will replace it. I think she did a good job, but these are yours, so it's your decision."

The first thing Kate noticed was the huge shoe rack running the entire length of the walk-in closet, every type of shoe, heels, joggers, even mountain climbing boots were neatly placed below beautiful clothing that even made the first dress Rick bought her pale in comparison.

"Rick, how did you know, I mean they're beautiful, but why?"

"I didn't know how many clothes you would bring, but I wanted you to know, this is my commitment, plus I wanted to take away any excuse to leave. I want you beside me, as long as you want to be, I love you, Kate,"

Ava, smiled, and patted Kate on the back, "That's my cue, Kate, make up for lost time, trust me he's missed you" she walked away with a "till tomorrow, goodnight" thrown over her shoulder. She no longer said goodbye, she chose the hope and promise of another day as Rick did. She walked down the hall to her room and retired for the evening.

Kate locked on Rick's eyes, sending every ounce of love she could gather to him. He placed his head on her forehead, hugged her, leaning back, from time to time to steal a kiss, whispering "I love you; I can't believe you're really here."

She reached down, took his hand and led him into their bedroom, closing the door as she pushed him against it, and started to take what she had longed for, ached for, for months. They moved from the door to the bed, leaving a stream of clothing on the floor, until they finally reached the bed, mouths, lips, tongues all fighting, and releasing control until Kate had already reached and shuddered with her first major orgasm in her life.

Rick reached into the nightstand and brought out protection, Kate, took it from his hand and whispered "No Rick, I want you all, I'm covered, there's been no one in quite a while but Babe please be gentle. You've already pushed me over the limit once", which was all Rick needed to hear. He worshiped her body, as she had never experienced before in her entire life, finally after satisfying her he entered her gently, and God, that pushed her even further over the moon.

They fell into each other's arms, kissing gently, allowing their bodies to recoup and then it was a repeat performance. Finally, after round four, Kate collapsed in his arms, totally spent, and in a place, she had never been before in her life. Rick held her as she fell asleep, till sleep claimed him as well. She woke a few hours later, confused at first, till she felt the strong arm that still held her, and she leaned in and kissed him once before going back to sleep, almost afraid this was a dream, parts of her body told her it was real, she just smiled as she curled into his arm.

Xx

A few hours later she awoke again, this time in need of the bathroom, so she tried to slip quietly from the bed, but heard, "Don't leave me, stay here please?"

"Babe, I'll be right back, but I need to use the bathroom, I promise you bee back in just a minute."

She crawled back into the bed, still warm, and was greeted with his, "I missed you, Babe," then he rolled over and kissed her sweetly, a deep kiss that was unlike those of the passion they both displayed earlier. This kiss was so soft, so gentle yet so passionate, he took her breath away.

"Wow", she broke the kiss, just as he had in the ally so many months before. The kiss was just as exciting as that one was, and she couldn't believe she was able to kiss him whenever she wanted, Life was certainly good.

"I remember that kiss as well Kate, you don't know how many times I wished I could hold you once more, and feel one more kiss, just like that one" he looked off,

She pressed her lips to his, returning the kiss, till this time he was he that pulled back with the "WOW"

"Now you can have them anytime you want Rick, for you, I'm open 24/7" as she kissed him again and smiled,

"Kate, can you lie here with me for a few more minutes, I'd like to hold you as I read your letter, that is if you feel like it,"

"Of course, Babe, right here, by your side" as she snuggled into his side, laying her head on his chest. He placed a few kisses to the top of her head and pulled out the letter.

"Would it embarrass you if I read it aloud?" as he kissed her head, and pulled her into him just a bit tighter,

"No Rick, it's your letter, I wrote it last night on my way to you, so if you want to read it aloud, I'll be right here, always."

Rick started to read, and it went along well, pauses for kisses and reassurance that he screwed up as well, that he was also sorry. When he read;

"_**This is from my heart, it may not meet clinical standards, but all I know was when I almost died, I had to make a choice, my Mom was near me with her arm reached out to take me to her, then I looked down, and you were holding me in the cemetery, saying such sweet words, I looked at Mom, she nodded and I took your hand and came back to you. I never told anyone, not even Doctor Burke, so perhaps if you agree Ava can meet with us both, and give clarity to that NDE for me.**_

His tears formed in his eyes, as his voice fought them until he finished the passage, then he turned and pulled Kate into him,

"I never knew Kate; I never knew you chose me over your Mom. God, I was such an ass, of course, you had your own NDE, what an inconsiderate jerk I was, Babe, please forgive me. Of course, we can talk to Ava, if that's what you want. "

Kate held him, pulled his head to her bosom and whispered, "Shh, Shh, I've got you, Rick, I love you, I love you, Rick, so let it go, it's OK, we both made mistakes, I should have told you. How could you have known? I chose you, Rick, I chose you then, I choose you now, and I will choose you every day I have left on this earth."

He calmed down, and after some sweet kisses, he returned to his letter. Once again reading in his strong baritone voice, until he read;

"_**I know now, that loving someone is wanting all of them, the good, the bad, the fun and even the scary times. I cheated us out of some of those times, but never again, I promise you. I'm yours for as long as you will have me, and I will wake each day thankful for your love, I don't care about the title, as long as I'm your girl.**_

Kate, what would you like to be? My Girl, my fiancé, my wife, I know what I want you to be, but it has to be what you want. I've assumed far too much already and could have damaged us beyond repair."

As he asked her, she noticed movement, but couldn't see what he was doing.

"Rick, I know this is fast to many, but I don't care what I'm labeled, as long as I'm with you. What do I want? I want to be Mrs. Richard Castle, but I know I have hurt you far too much for you to*"

"Kate, would you accept this as my proposal, no matter what I thought about saying, it was terrible, all I want you to know is I want to wake up next to you, go to sleep at night at the end of the day, and spend as much time as I can with the one true love of my life, would you be my wife?" He held out a beautiful huge diamond ring to her, with tears pooling in his eyes,

YES, she screamed, pulling him into her, kissing and crying, rubbing her hands through his hair, God Rick, are you sure? I don't want you to regret this?"

"My only regret was I didn't tell you sooner, without you Kate, I'm only half a man. We can plan the wedding when you wish, and I see the look in your eye, Alexis knows and approves. She went through some of her own love bumps, so it's clearer to her now, that Love and Relationships aren't perfect, just two people doing their best.

I loved your letter telling me that you discovered that love meant wanting the good, bad, happy and sad time to be together, that sealed the deal for me. It erased any doubt I may have had. I love you, Mrs. Castle, to be." As he kissed her in a special way.

"I love you, husband to be, damn that sounds so good to say"

"Well, let's hit the shower and see what Ava is up to, I'm sure she'll take time to talk to you separately or together whatever you both think is best." Three tires later, they finally made it out of the shower and got dressed and out to the office area.

Xx

Ava had been up for a while and the longer the door to Rick's suite stayed closed the happier she was. She knew that Rick's world evolved around Kate, and now that she had met the woman, they were a natural together. She was so glad that Rick had shown restraint, a few nights before, she would have been mortified now. Kate was so sweet, she even apologized for that Asswipe Josh, yes, she was hurt, but it changed her life for the better.

"Good Morning Ava, how did you rest last night?" Rick asked cheerfully,

"Great, how did Kate adjust to the new surroundings?"

"I slept great Ava, thanks for asking "Kate smiled, as she poured herself a cup of coffee, the sun from the window glistened off her finger,

Ava noticed the shining and shrieked, "Kate, Rick? Did you? It's about time, God it's a wonder this lady waited for you for so long. Congratulations to you both." She hugged Kate, and then Rick, kissing him briefly on the cheek, and for the first time, Kate understood the dynamic, and was totally fine, totally confident in her relationship with her husband to be.

"Let me see that, Kate, WOW Rick, you want everyone to know she's off the market, don't you?" she laughed, "It's beautiful, and it matches her fingers so well, good job"

"Thanks, Ava, and yes, she's definitely off the market, forever" Rick smiled, leaned in and grabbed a kiss from Kate.

"Ava, when you get settled, there's something Rick and I need to talk to you about if you have time"

"Oh, oh, what did I do, she's only been here less than 12 hours, Rick" she smiled, but there was a genuine concern in her voice.

"No, No Ava, nothing like that, I understand how close you and Rick are, I'm confident in my relationship, I know he'd never stray no matter what. Hell, he didn't when I had no claim on him, so I know he's as faithful as they come.

"We do want to talk to you about a dream or memory, no ordinary memory, it's actually my recollection of my own NDE. I know I should have but, I haven't spoken to anyone about it, not even Doctor Burke."

"Kate, is this NDE something that either kept you from or pulled you closer to Rick and the relationship you both have wanted for so long?"

"Actually, it is, it's the core of why I'm with Rick, is that important?"

"Well, as a professional courtesy to Doctor Burke, I'd like to talk to him for a few minutes, to ask permission to discuss JUST the NDE, by no means will I encroach on his treatment. Just as long as we're clear on that, OK?"

"That sounds great, Ava, and I appreciate the professionalism, Doctor Burke has pulled me from some pretty dark places, so I wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardize our working relationship. It's truly my NDE that I never mentioned at all, till I told Rick, and that was only on paper. I was so afraid, but perhaps one or both of you could give us some answers."

"That's the goal Kate, and Doctor B and I will certainly do our best, OK?"

Kate smiled, still holding Rick's hand and "whispered, that's all we can ask".

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**No Ordinary Memory **

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Another What If based on the continuing saga **_**Life Reassessment**_** loosely based on the episode, Cops and Robbers, except Rick is injured protecting Martha and Bank Teller Simone. It starts with Canon dialog, it goes quickly completely AU. Since this is a sequel, please read that first. No dinner, no boasts of who saved who, and twists of fate in the Castle's lives. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

_**Previously **_

"_**We do want to talk to you about a dream or memory, no ordinary memory, it's actually my recollection of my own NDE. I know I should have but, I haven't spoken to anyone about it, not even Doctor Burke."**_

"_**Kate, is this NDE something that either kept you from or pulled you closer to Rick and the relationship you both have wanted for so long?"**_

"_**Actually, it is, it's the core of why I'm with Rick, is that important?"**_

"_**Well, as a professional courtesy with Doctor Burke, I'd like to talk to him for a few minutes, to ask permission to discuss JUST the NDE, by no means will I encroach on his treatment. Just as long as we're clear on that, OK?"**_

*****************************************************************************/**

**Chapter 3**

**447 S Rockhill Road**

**Phoenix AZ**

Kate, Rick, and Ava enjoyed a breakfast that was catered by one of the contacts of Rick's I know a Guy local to the area, she swore he probably had connections to the Pope, knowing her husband to be. She glanced at him from the corner of her eye and caught him looking at her like the old days, life was good, and she was head over heels in love with her man, almost having to pinch herself to make sure it was real.

"Rick, I changed my mind," She said quietly,

A look of horror overtook his face, as he choked on his coffee, "What, what do you mean Babe? Changed your mind how?"

"Remember when I told you staring was creepy at the precinct, well I changed my mind, I love when you steal glances of me when you think I'm not looking"

A relief spread all through his body, as he finally stopped choking and regained some oxygen flow,

"Babe, please don't do that, I thought you had changed your mind about us, it scared the hell out of me. I could just feel old man misery ready to slip back in,"

Kate got up and sat in his lap, placing both arms around his neck, locking on his eyes, "Listen to me Husband to Be, I have a ring on my finger, a promise, and you never break your promises so NEVER think that again, PLEASE? I'm sorry I worded it that way, I can understand where the doubt came rushing back in, but please Rick, know that I would die before I hurt you again. I love you, Always" the short sweet kisses came to reassure him, as he held her so tightly,

Both had forgotten that Ava was still at the table, until several minutes later when they looked at her smiling away.

"This was worth the wait, God you guys are almost sickening" she laughed, "Only kidding but you may want to watch that when we meet with the investors later today. Kate, after breakfast and showers, can we discuss what you would like to do with A New Horizon. I'm not sure if Rick told you but Alexis is pulling out of the project, and we have a huge load to fill quickly,"

"Oh my God Rick, is she leaving because of me? Babe? I thought you said she was on board with us, is that the truth?"

"It is, and she still is, remember I told you she had her own bump in the road of romance, well it seems to her the only way to get over him is to transfer to Oxford. Of course, Mother is accompanying her, even got some tips for some local acting companies."

"Rick, I remember when you were losing your mind when she thought about going anywhere but Columbia, you seem to be taking this well, what happened to the nervous over-protective Dad?

"I could give you an answer, but I'll let Ava explain my therapy or at least the part that covers that portion," he kissed her gently, holding her tightly,

"Kate, part of the problem you and Rick were having was because he felt torn between two people he loved. He loves Alexis more than anything on this earth, **EXCEPT** you, and that's God's order for priority, it's the right way to think about his family.

"Alexis, once she got over the realization that she was indeed auditioning men who would someday play her number one-man role, replacing the role her Dad had played her entire life, finally realized how selfish it was to hold Rick back from pursuing his love.

"She loves you, Kate, was she hurt and angry, yes, just like anyone that cared for him was. The difference was, she inserted her opinions, not to be evil but to protect her Dad, and Rick felt the pressure. You know how difficult it was trying to come to grips with your life, your goals, imagine if you had a son who was protective of you and feeding you his opinions to play it safe. It certainly wouldn't have helped."

"Rick, is Ava correct, is that how you feel? How Alexis felt, and how does she feel now? You two have always been the model for Father-Daughter relationships, I don't, I can't be the one responsible for tearing that apart."

"Kate, Alexis had her first heartbreak and Ava was around so they started talking, girl to girl, it was after a few talks she came to me and told me how sorry she was for interfering in our relationship. She felt responsible for us being on the outs, but then I explained to her that sometimes couples need to keep what is going on just between the two of them, no one else. Two days later she caught Ashley cheating, again, and it all came crashing down on her. She asked, and we, Ava and I agreed she needed to spend time on studies, this project will take flight, but she's only in college once."

Kate looked at Rick, tears in her eyes, Ava crossed the room, bringing her into a hug, "Kate, you really need to stop looking for ways that this won't work, believe me, you have all the ingredients you need to be successful, IF you don't let outsiders interfere."

"Thank Ava, I needed to hear that, it's just I guess I never have really loved anyone the way I love Rick, it scares me sometimes."

"Congratulations, welcome to an adult relationship" Ava smiled, "it's called being IN LOVE, Kate, you'll get used to it."

Xx

Rick and Kate had decided to go for a drive, the kitchen needed stocking, and Ava was meeting with Rick's attorney, well one of them, Howard's son Jeremy. He was about her age, and for Howard to trust him with a project this large spoke highly of him. They took South Canyon road and enjoyed the top down to Rick's new toy, his convertible Porsche 911, with the air blowing through their hair, as they laughed about any and everything. Kate sat close to him, with her arm around her man, letting anyone who spotted them know, hands-off, this man was hers.

They visited several little shops, Kate fell in love with the town, the people and most of all the beautiful old buildings. It was almost like stepping back in time, 30-minute drive you had all the glitz and glamour, and here was a glimpse of how life used to be.

Rick walked up to her, hugged her from behind, and she immediately turned to capture his lips in a sweet kiss, the women who hated any PDA had certainly changed. "Wow, I never get tired of that, please never stop," he whispered, as he smiled into her eyes.

"Believe me I don't plan on it, you're mine and I get to do this anytime I want" she stole another sweet kiss,

"Babe, have you given any thought about what you would like to do for the project, now that you're convinced, at least I hope you are, Alexis is out because of her own problems, we can really use your skills."

"Is there any area you were thinking of Rick? I mean, right now, it's going to be a change, but I would trade my life with you washing dishes than back in New York as a Commissioner. Tell me where you think I would fit in Babe?"

"Well, this is just me talking out loud, Ava has the legal thing pretty well sown up, plus if we're lucky she may actually unfreeze her heart with Jeremy. He's head over heels in love with her, and I think she finally noticed. I thought, who better to deal with the legal force, local police, sheriffs, probation officer, then someone who has stared down the toughest killers in the world. No one is going to intimidate you, and I know our clients would benefit from you fighting for them."

"What kind of help is A New Horizon offering Rick, are we going full bore, regardless, if it's drugs, prostitution, homelessness, just so I know? You're right too many times these are the voiceless victims. I've seen, well we have both seen cops try to bully their way into making a case instead of letting the facts speak. I would love to take on some bully, it would keep my juices flowing,"

"Plus, just think if you're angry with someone else, you were never angry at me, so that works well for us before and after the wedding."

She laughed as she rolled her eyes, "You know Rick you paid for far too many other people's sins when we were in New York, but I want to promise each other now, no more thinking we know what the other is upset about. OK? I mean I'll ask you, and please call me on mine, I'm trying Babe, harder than I have ever tried before."

"I know Kate, I know you are, and I promise" as he kissed her again, just then they saw a Hot Dog cart and Tisdale case came rushing back to them both.

"Rick, you want a hot dog, I think I want a hot dog" as she started toward the cart, and Rick howled with laughter.

"You remembered word for word, what I said, I thought you hated me then"

"Of course I remembered, but it wasn't until the Candela case I fell in love with you. Even you have to admit you were a bit of a smug jackass during Tisdale"

"Well, I tried the approach I was told that my fans wanted, if only I had just been myself,"

"Rick, STOP, things work out for a reason, I wasn't ready then, I had to learn what's important to me, and it's not a badge, gun and chasing bad guys down alleys. My Mom deserved justice, with Jordan I'm sure she will be able to look at the evidence and if we are needed, WE will work together on it, Deal?"

"Deal, there's no way you are going after those killers without me by your side and knowing you have taken every precaution, Kate, I never wanted you to give up your Mom's case, are you sure that you won't resent me, for doing it someday?"

"Babe, do you resent me for not taking the British Secret Agent Deal? I know that was your dream since you were a little boy, but you put in on the back burner and we weren't even close to getting together yet."

"Of course not, book deals come and go, but my soulmate, my last one and done only come with you"

"Nice save on the one and done, but I know what you meant, thank you I truly do love you, Rick"

"I know, Lanie called me, but don't let her know I told you or we're both dead. She didn't come off sassy or bossy, she actually cried, and begged me to at least give you one more chance, after reminding me of the chances you had given me. She still loves you, Kate, it's just that she was angry with you"

"I know, I have a lot of people to make things up to, but you know what, I want to start here, us, a real us. How can I make things right between us Rick? Just name it."

He smiled, a real smile, and waggled his eyebrows, "Well our suite is soundproof" and laughed,

"Are you serious, you want more, after last night? I mean I could get used to that, I have never felt the way you made me feel, and Babe, if that's making love, then let's never have sex, but always make love" she blushed but this side of Kate, so open so honest was a refreshing treat to him.

"Well we do need to fly back to New York, I want to see Alexis and Mother before they leave, plus I need to sign off on the book, so we shouldn't be gone more than a week, will that work for you?"

"I'm yours, Babe, just tell me where and when" she kissed him in a fashion that left no doubt, she indeed had found her one and done.

Xx

Ava and Jeremy had worked together for months over the phone, but now, they were spending several hours a day together. The only time they were apart was the few hours that Ava still set aside to be with her two clients, other than Rick. She was attracted to him, but, still fearful of getting her heart broke if she really let go. She sensed he was attracted to her, but he had been nothing but polite, in their personal meetings.

"Ava, may I ask you something on a personal level?"

"Jeremy we can talk about anything, please ask."

"Who was it, who hurt you so badly that you are so afraid of personal relationships. I've dropped subtle hints, and lord knows you must know I have feelings for you, but I don't want to step into an area of personal feelings that would cause you pain or discomfort.

"I want you to know that I too have been hurt, perhaps you didn't read about it, but I was left standing at the altar two years, 7 months, and 8 days ago. No explanation, no apology, just no bride. I faced the guests, by the way, there were over 600 from both sides, by myself and had to announce that the wedding was off. I hired staff to return each wedding gift, each card, each expression of best wishes, while she moved on, never a word until I received an invitation to her wedding 7 months later.

"Don't gasp, I was shocked enough to receive it, but when I opened it and saw who the groom was, I almost passed out. She was engaged to be married to my former best man, who by the way happened to be my cousin, they apparently had been carrying on an affair throughout our three-year relationship."

"Jeremy, I'm so very sorry, my God, how are you as well adapted as you are? To answer your question, I called off a wedding when I found out my fiancé was out on a bike run, as I recovered from emergency open-heart surgery, hitting on more than one woman. It changed my outlook, as I experienced an NDE, and changed from Cardiology to Psychology, and specialized in trying to help others who have gone through NDE."

"WOW, I'm sorry Ava, I didn't know, but I knew you had been hurt badly, believe me, I know the signs. I'm so sorry for you pain, and as for me, I made out much better than I could have imagined, it seems like Beverly took my cousin for his wealthy inheritance, and then found a new playboy to move on to, I dodged a bullet."

Ava smiled, "Well I dodged one also, I won't get into the details but life was a great deal happier, once I got over the details of calling off a wedding that I never should have planned anyway. I was working a great deal of hours, lonely, and my ex, paid attention to me, said the right things, and I knew better but I was weak and I gave in. Why he ever asked me to marry him, still remains a mystery, but when I had the open-heart surgery, he left for a long weekend Harley Bike Group run."

"Well, this is about a strange a manner as I ever thought I would do, but Ava, would you have dinner with me, not work, but a planned date at a nice restaurant? I understand if it's too ea*"

"Jeremy, I would love to have dinner with you, let's take things slow since we both have been through more than either of us should have, OK?"

"Like Italian?" he smiled as he crossed the room and kissed her gently and sweetly.

Ava felt his lips, and finally, for the first time in a long time, she relaxed and enjoyed the kiss and being held by a very sweet man, who knows, maybe Kate wasn't the only one getting her life back, time would tell.


	4. Chapter 4

**No Ordinary Memory **

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Another What If based on the continuing saga **_**Life Reassessment**_** loosely based on the episode, Cops and Robbers, except Rick is injured protecting Martha and Bank Teller Simone. It starts with Canon dialog, it goes quickly completely AU. Since this is a sequel, please read that first. No dinner, no boasts of who saved who, and twists of fate in the Castle's lives. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

_**Previously **_

"_**Don't gasp, I was shocked enough to receive it, but when I opened it and saw who the groom was, I almost passed out. She was engaged to be married to my former best man, who by the way happened to be my cousin, they apparently had been carrying on an affair throughout our three-year relationship."**_

"_**Jeremy, I'm so very sorry, my God, how are you as well adapted as you are? To answer your question, I called off a wedding when I found out my fiancé was out on a bike run, as I recovered from emergency open-heart surgery, hitting on more than one woman. It changed my outlook, as I experienced an NDE, and changed from Cardiology to Psychology, and specialized in trying to help others who have gone through NDE."**_

*****************************************************************************/**

**Chapter 4**

**447 S Rockhill Road**

**Phoenix AZ**

**Three Hours Later**

Rick and Kate walked through the doors, both noticed a lighter mood, as Ava and Jeremy were actually laughing loud enough for others to hear, and they were sitting on one cushion of the couch. Kate put her finer to Rick's lips, silencing him as they retreated to their suite.

"Well, what do you think Rick? Looks like Ava may be coming around to Jeremy after all, I mean I never heard her laugh as hard as she did in the few minutes we stood there."

"I know, and I'm sorry to even have to bring it up, but the idea of her fiancé with another woman as she battled recovery from open-heart surgery certainly did a number on her, both her self-confidence, and willingness to put herself out there, she was hurt much worse than she will ever admit.

"Before you start apologizing, it wasn't your fault we all know who is to blame and I know Karma is a nasty B, you never get through life without paying for those you hurt. He's got two women to atone for, Ava and you because you want to assume his guilt. Ava and I discussed this, and it's something she told me to absolutely not allow you to do, own what is yours, but not what was Josh's".

"Well it sounds like Jeremy might be her cure, it's great to hear her happy, and she and you are right, I can't own that he was a CAD and a cheating bastard, but I think we both moved on and got something far better" she kissed him sweetly and gently.

They made it back to the living room, and Ava had noticed the car come back into the garage so they were now working in normal mode."

"Jeremy, Ava, can you join us for a few moments please?" Rick called out

"What's up Rick," Ava asked showing no sign of giving her hand away

"Well, when Kate and I came in, oh, before I put the car away in the garage, we unloaded it with the groceries so you didn't hear us until I pulled into the garage. What's up? Indeed, we heard you two laughing and you couldn't have gotten a feather in between you two sitting on the couch. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy, really happy but Jeremy you need to ask yourself how long are you going to let the woman you love dance around before you do something?"

Both faces turn red, "Well about that Rick, we're actually starting to see each other" Ava said softly,

"If that's a conflict to the project, I understand Rick, I'll talk to Dad and have*"

"Stop right there Jeremy, there's no conflict, in fact it's a plus, Ava isn't a criminal nor are our clients, so you're here to get the foundation legally compliant, just as Ava is to handle the medical requirements, other than that, Congratulations, I'm glad you finally asked her out. You both deserve to be happy, now with that, and my finance pulling on my shirt, I'll shut up."

Ava laughed, thanks Kate, I know you love him, so do we but sometimes, well*"

"I know Ava, I know but I used to hate those times, now I love every minute with him, you and Jeremy take it at your own pace, we're not here, I'll be sure." She laughed as Rick made a face of horror in jest.

"Oh, speaking of that Kate, Doctor Burke and I talked, he thought it would be beneficial if you and I started the NDE just between us, and brought Rick in when you were comfortable, how does later today sound?"

"Great Ava, I really want to understand what happened, how I handled it and how I could have done better, especially with this one" she hugged Rick close to her side.

"We'll get it sorted out Kate, I promise you." Ava smiled and for the first time since Kate had met her, showed the glow of happiness,

Xx

Kate was sitting in Ava's office portion of the home, one big room was Rick's office space, the smaller adjoined room was Ava's. It wasn't small by any means, she had plenty of room for three perhaps four desks comfortably. It was well equipped with the latest computers, wireless connections to projectors, name the gadget, Rick had it installed.

The office had a recliner, a couch, or a beautiful chair, Kate selected the chair and Ava greeted her warmly, "Hi Kate, nervous about this? It's natural, I was scared out of my mind when I went to my first session with my therapist."

"Wait? Did you go to a therapist Ava? Did you experience an NDE when you had open-heart surgery?"

"I did, that's really what turned me from a 5th year Senior Fellow in Cardiology to adding two years to my education to switch to Psychology concentrating on NDE. We're not here for my story, Kate, but trust me, you didn't do anything to cause the switch. It was what I felt and observed, almost dreams, but no ordinary dreams, more like flashbacks of your life on a continuous loop."

"Ava, that describes exactly what I felt after the shooting, well let me back up and give you the entire picture. Rick had been with me for almost three years, we had fought the battle, well I had led him on, then slammed the door in his face when he got to close.

"When I was shot, he was kneeling on the grass, he told me "I love you, I love you, Kate, stay with me please". I was looking down from somewhere above, I could see my Mom as clear as I can see the window, and she had her arm outstretched to me, welcoming me to come to her. I looked down, saw Rick, then looked at my Mom, and she nodded and I took his hand and the blackness went away.

"I guess that's when they got me back for good, I had some near-death where I coded but it was only for a few moments so I didn't recall any but the one I described. When I saw him in the hospital for the first time, I knew I had changed, I wouldn't be able to stay away from him, or resist his love.

"The only problem was I was dating your ex at the time, and Rick doesn't meddle with those in relationships. I think he told me he loved me when he did because he was afraid, I was going to die, and this was his last chance."

"Well that would be difficult for you and Rick, I'll discuss with you, that I know Rick's take on this experience, and even though you are a couple, I can't disclose anything he shared with me, or vice versa, due to patient-doctor confidentiality regulations, are we clear on that?"

"Yes, of course, he's told me what transpired after he met you, I have to admit I began to hate the name Ava for a while, but I can see how you helped him see the road he was supposed to be on." Kate smiled,

"I can understand that I truly can, and to say I was jealous of the mystery woman Kate, would be my confession to you. He spoke of you almost as a Goddess, and it pissed me off sometimes that he would degrade his contributions, but after a while, I learned that wasn't limited to just you. It seems Rick loves to help, he hates the attention it gets, so many of his endeavors of philanthropy are anonymous. Even this project he always wants to give others credit for everything. Did you notice any changes in how you perceived Rick after the NDE Kate, and if so, please be specific?"

"Well, this is uncomfortable, I mean, I thought he was a bragging blowhard when I first met him, but as I got to know him that changed, I saw how kind he was. After the NDE, I could understand when he said he didn't care about the money, he really didn't. He constantly reached into his own pockets to help others. I remember the Boylan Square bombing, he went to get lunch for us as we worked the case, he came back with tears in his eyes.

When I found him on the roof, he was crying. I asked him what happened, he told me of the Go Fund Me pages to allow some of the victims a decent funeral. Rick would never admit it, but his lawyers arranged for every victim to have the proper funeral."

"How did that impact your feelings, Kate?"

"Well I knew he was caring, but that stuck my heart as something that only a man who loved his fellow man would do."

"Well, studies show that there is no motivation to accumulate material possessions or earn vast sums of money; status is no longer of importance and simple things in life, which many take for granted, become very important.

"After an NDE people like to spend more time with their family and friends and become more appreciative of these relationships and all that they have in life. Often, they become different people, perhaps more sentimental would be a crude way to describe it but in reality, it's more. It's a complete change in value systems."

"That fits and makes sense of how he was acting. It also makes sense why I was beginning to challenge what values my life had been based on, was it really justice for my Mom, or was it vengeance, trying to make someone pay for the hurt I felt." Kate lowered her head

"That's a great observation, Kate, please continue, just tell me what changed, what became important if as you say your priorities shifted from your Mom's case," Ava said, as a matter of fact, no judgment in her voice or tone.

"I found myself longing for the days where all it took was a day at the beach or Coney Island to make my day complete. Those represented good times with my Mom and Dad, then just my Dad but I looked at others and thought I had her longer than many had one of their parents.

"I took on a deep sense of sadness for Rick, never knowing his Dad, and remembered the many times he was the target of barbs, sometimes even from me, I think I used the term famously fatherless. I felt sadness and shame, yet he never called any of us, he just suffered in silence."

"That fits the clinical model Kate, many people may develop a deep sense of gratitude for life as well as feeling more love and compassion towards others. They may feel a sense of connection with nature and may spend time walking in forests and alongside the ocean. Also, like Rick and A New Horizon, there is often a sense of being sent back to life to accomplish a mission or task but they seldom recall what this mission is and may spend long periods of time contemplating this."

"That does fit Rick Ava, in an early letter he told me he was "given another chance to do what he didn't know but he was certain it wasn't to follow a police detective around the city' or words to that effect, he did say that he couldn't keep doing business as usual."

"What about you Kate, what do you think your vision is, it's interesting you mention that your Mother held her open arms to you, yet nodded when you looked down and heard Rick profess his love for you, as say you took his hand and returned to this side. What if anything did that lead you to believe.?"

"Well, I knew I cared for him, even when I was with others, but that solidified it, it was almost like Mom pushing me as if to ask what are you waiting for, he loves you, go to him"

"Well, why didn't you Kate, and please just say it like it is, with Josh, JD, or whatever name he gave you, please, this is more important than to worry about feelings about some idiot I happened to date, OK?"

"OK Ava, now that you put it that way. I was slow to react, not with Josh, he was sent packing the moment I found out he blamed Rick for my shooting and pushed him in the ER, but I guess I still had the self-doubts, the why if you will.

I'm an NYPD Detective, he's a world-famous author, WHY should I kid myself that he truly had feelings for me, I guess I was afraid of hurting and since Mom, she paused as Ava silently handed her a box of tissue, paused for her to continue, well since Mom left me I thought somehow if I loved him back he would leave too, and I would rather have some part of him than to lose him permanently. It's not rational, but it's*"

"It's Human Kate, a typical reaction. Rick is coming down from his quest for materialistic things in life, knowing he has a purpose, at the same time you are holding his worldly achievements as a measure of his sense of values. What does that say to you Kate, just off the top of your head?"

"That he had changed his value structure, he valued Love more than fame, and I was completely misjudging him. Perhaps my sense of needing something in my life, even as misguided as vengeance, yes, I said vengeance not justice for my Mom was putting our value systems at odds. It was only when I thought I had lost him, first to the bomb then to my stupidity did I sit down and figure what my life would be without him.

"No matter what I might accomplish, it didn't matter, if I didn't have Rick, then nothing mattered. I realized then that Mom wouldn't have been happy if I threw this opportunity for happiness away for trying to avenge her. I let it go Ava, I quit the force, sent the files to a mutual friend, and Rick and I talked, really talked about it for the first time."

"Kate when you have recurrences of your NDE, does it frighten you or how do you feel?"

"When I was alone, before Rick and I got together, it made me so sad, I cried for what I knew could have been, and what I wasted. Since we've been together, I've had them three times, once my Mom was smiling when it was over and I thought I heard her say, I'm proud of you Katie, choose happiness, it could be a dream mixed in with the NDE, but it seemed so real."

"Kate, this is not a perfect science, no one could tell you exactly what they mean, but based on scientific research we get pretty close. Sometimes, even in my own, I sometimes mix dreams with the NDE, but not to discount that, they are no ordinary dreams, not in any fashion.

"I know when I had doubts about my change in areas of practice, I had one such dream that let me know in no uncertain terms to carry forward with my new plans, it was what I was supposed to do, and although they are fewer now, I welcome them, and use it for guidance in my life."

"I think you've helped me tremendously Ava, thank you, I understand why Rick talked about you so much, and you know, we both love you. Jeremy is a wonderful man, I've known since he was struggling in law school and finally sweating out the bar exam, so you are in good hands. Learn from me, don't trade anything for one moment of time with him if he's the one"

"Thanks Kate, he's the first to get through my defenses, I know he loves me. I'm beginning to let go and let myself love again, so thank you and Rick. I think we can all help each other."


	5. Chapter 5

**No Ordinary Memory **

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Another What If based on the continuing saga **_**Life Reassessment**_** loosely based on the episode, Cops and Robbers, except Rick is injured protecting Martha and Bank Teller Simone. It starts with Canon dialog, it goes quickly completely AU. Since this is a sequel, please read that first. No dinner, no boasts of who saved who, and twists of fate in the Castle's lives. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

_**Previously **_

"_**Kate when you have recurrences of your NDE, does it frighten you or how do you feel?"**_

"_**When I was alone, before Rick and I got together, it made me so sad, I cried for what I knew could have been, and what I wasted. Since we've been together, I've had them three times, once my Mom was smiling when it was over and I thought I heard her say, I'm proud of you Katie, choose happiness, it could be a dream mixed in with the NDE, but it seemed so real."**_

"_**Kate, this is not a perfect science, no one could tell you exactly what they mean, but based on scientific research we get pretty close. Sometimes, even in my own, I sometimes mix dreams with the NDE, but not to discount that, they are no ordinary dream, not in any fashion. **_

"_**I know when I had doubts about my change in areas of practice, I had one such dream that let me know in no uncertain terms to carry forward with my new plans, it was what I was supposed to do, and although they are fewer now, I welcome them, and use it for guidance in my life."**_

*****************************************************************************/**

**Chapter 5**

**447 S Rockhill Road**

**Phoenix AZ**

**8 Weeks Later**

Kate had fallen right into place, working with Ava, she determined the pillars of service **A New Horizon** was offering to clients, and where they intersected with Law Enforcement of any type. She developed minimal criteria clients had to meet to be accepted, a huge hurdle to the official law enforcement. She had met tirelessly with senior officials to get their buy-in so there would be little resistance when the facilities were ready for clients.

Ava and Jeremy had become almost one body, where one was the other wasn't far away, including flights to and from New York, to be together. It seemed that Ava had found what she had been waiting for, and Jeremy had decided to leave his father's practice, move to Phoenix just to be close to her. It was proof there was love after hurt, and it didn't make anyone sad when they learned both his best friend/cousin and ex-fiancé had both suffered the humiliation of filing bankruptcy. All Jeremy said was "Whew, dodged a bullet with that one"

As for Josh Davidson, he was named in a paternity suit by a surgical nurse, had been suspended from the hospital and now wasn't allowed to leave the country even for Doctors without Borders due to some domestic abuse charges brought against him by another ex-girlfriend. The irony of the event the arresting officer was none other than Tom Deming who had been demoted to patrol officer by Captain Montgomery for his role in harassment of Castle. As Kate read and watched the accounts, she held Rick's hand just a bit tighter, knowing just how lucky and loved she was.

Ava finally told Jeremy who her ex was, as they both laughed at how Karma as Rick put it was indeed in full force of paybacks. This was the last secret she had held from him, in fact, she was the first to say I love you, he didn't need to be told twice before he showed her his devotion. This was a couple that looked good in person, on paper, and were damn good people so they both finally got the happiness others had stolen from them. Broken hearts now rejoined and a walking example for the song the look of love.

Kate had also worked hard with Ava and Rick brainstorming what the first phase of A New Horizon would look like, how many beds, what type of housing, multiple units, for family units, or smaller units for singles. A lot of thought was going into not duplicating the mistakes of similar efforts. Good intentions with lousy execution was not what any of the three would settle for. Alexis had visited from college and seemed like a different young lady.

"Kate can I speak to you in private please?"

"Sure Alexis, what's up?" she said, trying to choke back the fear that was engulfing her entire body.

"I just wanted to apologize, I know I stuck my nose into Dad's business far too much, but you know him well enough to know how soft he is, he's been taken advantage of before, and well I eh, never mind, I was wrong and I'm sorry."

"Oh Alexis, no need to apologize, you're right, I've seen him taken advantage of and what I saw when I saw you protect him was the close bond you two share. I have my own list of sins that I need forgiven for, not only by your Dad, but also you and your Grams. I was messed up is the easiest way to phrase it, but I love your Dad Alexis, more than the world. I'll do anything to prove it to him, I just want him to be happy, and to be near him as much as I can"

"When Dad told me you quit the force, gave up working on your Mom's case, at first, I thought he was lying, then when I found it to be true, I realized that you did honestly love my Dad, probably more than anyone else in the world.

"Ava and I spoke, she's a big fan of you both, and actually was the first to tell me to mind my own business. She made it clear when she asked me how I would like it if Dad went to see Ashley, either to talk to him or cause him bodily harm, especially now that I was old enough to take care of myself. The light bulb came on, especially after he cheated, I forgave him and he did it again."

"Oh Lexi, I'm so sorry. I've been there as well, you feel like yesterday's garbage when someone violates your trust, or at least I did. God, it's an awful feeling, I'm so sorry."

"Thanks Kate, who the hell would have ever cheat on you? I mean, eh, well you're beautiful and I know Dad has been in love with you for years."

"Alexis, it's nothing to do with you, or your beauty, those who cheat wouldn't be satisfied with anyone, Doctor Burke told me it was them trying to deflect their own unhappiness on to someone else, and I guess it's true. Anyway, it doesn't matter who baby, just know that it happens to us all, at least once in our lives. Ava was there for you, I'm glad, but always know I'm a phone call away, I know I won't officially become Mrs. Castle for several months, but I already feel like part of the family."

"You are Kate, you have been for years, I'm glad you finally saw it. We loved you from the day we met you because Dad loved you so very much."

"Well I've loved your Dad for quite a while, over three years now but was so stupid, I almost cost myself the love of my life, not including hurting you and your grams, I can't say I'm sorry enough for that"

Alexis walked over to her, and gently pulled her into a hug, "I'm sorry to Kate, maybe we can start over with me too, I mean I pulled for you two when I first met you, I even used to wish you were my Mom."

Tears filled Kate's eyes, "Lexi, nothing to forgive but look at me, as she pulled back, I will be happy to be your Mom if you ever need me, I know I sure needed mine even when I thought I was grown"

Alexis hugged her, "Thanks, Kate, sometimes I need another woman who I know loves me who will be there to listen, Dad tries," she laughed with tears in her eyes as Kate finished her sentence,

"But he's a man, no way would he understand, I know Alexis. I'm glad you're here, there's something I want to ask you, I told your Dad, and he said we would fly over to see you but I'm glad you're at your new home away from your home wherever you decide to make it. Does that even make sense?" she laughed as Alexis replied, "Well I understood it, so if it didn't both of us are messed up" as she laughed.

"What is it Kate, what do you want to ask me?"

"Well you know we start planning our wedding soon, and well, eh, one of the first items is to choose my Maid of Honor, so Alexis would you make not only me but your Dad very happy by joining the wedding party, I need you to be it?"

"Kate, are you serious, you want me to be your Maid of honor, what about Lanie, or Maddie?" Kate is shaking her head no with each name.

"Nope, I want you to be by my side, as you said someone, I know loves me and will be there to take care of things for me during the day that I'm sure I will never forget but will be in a love haze all day."

"Love Haze? Is that even a thing Kate"?

"Sure, it is. It's why your Dad never threw me out of his life, he was blinded by the love for me so much it put him into a haze, It's why you took Ashley back, it's why I did some of the stupid things I did trying to make your Dad jealous or notice me, that backfired big time. We were all working in a haze because we loved someone, we couldn't see straight, even if it were right in front of us as in my case."

Alexis smiled, "I guess it's not a clinical diagnosis but it makes sense, and I would be proud to be your Maid of Honor, I won't let anything ruin your big day I promise you" as she hugged Kate tightly.

The exchange didn't go unnoticed by Rick, Ava, and Jeremy standing in the hall waiting to come in.

"Rick, it looks like Kate and Alexis have made up for whatever was the issue between them, maybe it's time as we wait for the buildings to be erected you two take care of some business. Jeremy is with me and trust me, nothing says complete to specifications more than an irate little broad with her powerhouse Attorney boyfriend." As she laughed, but Jeremy just pulled her into him a bit tighter.

"We got this Rick, I know you two need to meet with Doctor Burke, or at least that was the last news you gave us. Why don't you fly back to New York with Alexis, see your Mother and get the wedding plans moving? Hell, if Ava would have me, I would marry her in a shopping mall or drive-in chapel in Vegas" he smiled, but Ava looked at him and it began to click. He was right when you find the one, why wait?

She kissed him sweetly as Rick approached the ladies to discuss the revision to the master planning board that was posted in the middle of his office area. It showed every task, every dependency, every risk, and if one part was moved, it would light up the other areas impacted.

Xx

Kate had conducted video sessions with Doctor Burke, Ava also spoke with her on a few occasions and forwarded the notes to the good doctor in New York, but it was time for her to go back to at least see him one more time. She knew Rick would live anywhere, but she had fallen in love with their new home, it was the best of both worlds. You were isolated enough to have privacy, yet a 20-minute drive would bring you to a city and all of its perks. It held no memories, no one else had ever been in his bed and she timidly admitted that she was still jealous of those in his life, especially when she was acting out her charade.

They planned to return to New York on Friday, have a quiet weekend at the Hamptons as Alexis caught up with her friends, and then meet back at the Loft on Tuesday with Martha and Alexis. Monday was reserved to meet with Doctor Burke, a double session the first hour would be Kate alone then the second hour would include Rick.

Both had experienced the dreams, thankfully they had been awake when the other started into the NDE, and knew how to comfort and bring their partner back out of the dream without scaring them. Rick's episodes were much worse at first, and he continued to meet with Ava, three times weekly at first, then twice and then down to weekly sessions.

Kate had experienced the NDE on three occasions, usually, when she received news about her Mom's case, Jordan updated her with any new developments and it seemed to be a trigger to the NDE. Ava noted it but didn't act upon it, other than notifying Doctor Burke. She did reinforce the breathing and other mental cleansing exercises she had prescribed for them both. Overall, she was pleased with all of the changes that Kate had made to her life, she had dealt with the stress very well.

Xx

Airport reunions weren't supposed to be like this, Janet and Trey hugging Kate and Alexis as Rick stood like a third wheel.

"Hey, doesn't the boss get any love, show a little respect" he feigned anger, but Janet had a one-liner comeback that stopped him.

"You're marrying Kate, right Rick, well we **ARE** taking care of the boss" as she laughed, then made her way over to give her friend a big hug.

Trey laughed, still not believing that Alexis was as big as she was, even at 20 years old, she looked like a young lady out of the society pages. She had been raised right, she was very polite and never let on to anyone that she had more than a dollar to her name. After they were seated, Alexis asked for a glass of wine, Rick frowned, but Kate poked him, telling him to stay quiet.

"Sweetie, as much as I would love to, I'm sorry I can't serve you, we're not in Europe, so we have to abide by the age here in Arizona, one more year OK kiddo?" Trey said so apologetically,

Alexis laughed, "I really didn't want it, Trey, I just wanted to freak Dad out like the old times, can I have a hot chocolate when you have time please?" and his little girl was back again, as he relaxed.

"I'm proud of you Dad, you didn't raise a fuss, I did see Kate's arm give you a warning, but thanks to you both for treating me like an adult. I'm really happy for you both and glad to see some of my friends before I head back to Oxford."

"Well, I have to accept my little girl, my pumpkin, is growing up, but I don't have to like it. I miss the days when you were my little girl, and Daddy could fix anything, I know they're gone but I do miss them."

"Daddy, I'll always be your little girl, it doesn't matter how old I get, but now you have a wife you need to make Kate your number one, don't blow the best thing that ever happened to you." She said with a Rick Tone in her voice, almost like the roles had been reversed from parent to child.

Kate's eyes pooled with tears as she mouthed, "Thanks Lexi" silently

"You're right pumpkin I do need to make her my number one, she's proved to me that no matter what she's doing she loves me, why I don't know, but I'm glad that she does." He smiled at Alexis then kissed Kate sweet and quickly as he buckled his seat belt without being yelled at multiple times,

Things had changed, but everyone agreed, they were for the better. Kate didn't care where they were going, as long as she was beside him, she would go anywhere, she promised, but more than that, she had to be next to him. Her heart hurt even for the few hours he was away for meetings when the hell did, she become this clinging vine? Then she thought, it was the day she thought she had lost him forever, now every second of every day counted, at least to them.


	6. Chapter 6

**No Ordinary Memory **

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Another What If based on the continuing saga **_**Life Reassessment**_** loosely based on the episode, Cops and Robbers, except Rick is injured protecting Martha and Bank Teller Simone. It starts with Canon dialog, it goes quickly completely AU. Since this is a sequel, please read that first. No dinner, no boasts of who saved who, and twists of fate in the Castle's lives. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

_**Previously **_

"_**I just wanted to apologize, I know I stuck my nose into Dad's business far too much, but you know him well enough to know how soft he is, he's been taken advantage of before, and well I eh, never mind, I was wrong and I'm sorry."**_

"_**Oh Alexis, no need to apologize, you're right, I've seen him taken advantage of and what I saw when I saw you protect him was the close bond you two share. I have my own list of sins that I need forgiven for, not only by your Dad but also you and your Grams. I was messed up is the easiest way to phrase it, but I love your Dad Alexis, more than the world. I'll do anything to prove it to him, I just want him to be happy, and to be near him as much as I can"**_

"_**When Dad told me you quit the force, gave up working on your Mom's case, at first, I thought he was lying, then when I found it to be true, I realized that you did honestly love my Dad, probably more than anyone else in the world. **_

*****************************************************************************/**

**Chapter 6**

**Hamptons Beach House**

**Two Days Later (Sunday)**

Alexis had spent the entire weekend with her girlfriends, leaving the beach home alone to Kate and Rick, who really needed some alone time. Kate approached the house, the crime scene if you will, Gina killed her summer, but if she were being honest, no one did anything to her. She caused every heartache and more she received. Rick sensed her apprehension in the home, as he gave her the tour, recalling words she had said about him replacing her.

"Kate, if you're uncomfortable here, we can go somewhere else, anywhere you want. I can change that, I can't change that yes I have a history in this house, but really", as he took her hand and locked on her eyes, "Babe, none of them were you"

"I know it's silly Rick, and really you don't have any explaining to do to me, you offered more than once, and I played stupid games, I can't blame you for bringing Gina here. I can't say that it doesn't hurt, because it does, but it's not a hurt you caused, it's a self-inflicted shot from a cannon of hurt and jealousy."

"So, you were jealous, I knew it," he smiled trying to break the tension

"Of course, I was jealous, I was in love with you, I just forgot to let you know." She smiled, relaxing a bit,

"Kate, we promised each other we would talk, so let's go to the veranda, I have a bottle of wine breathing, and we can sit, listen to the ocean, and really talk, OK Sweetheart?

"Sweetheart? What happened to Babe? Babe is our word, or it better be, sweetheart is used for others, Babe is just us." She rushed out, not believing what she was saying, but glad she had.

"I'm sorry Babe, change into something comfortable and meet me on the veranda in 5 minutes, we do need to talk, OK?"

"OK, but hurry, I miss you" she kissed him sweetly as she pulled away from his hand.

Xx

She sat on the double lounger, snuggled as close to him as she could be, with her head on his chest, her left hand in his, as he held it to his heart.

"Kate, what is it, did I do something, say something please Babe, we promised each other to not hold anything in. If this house upsets you, I'll sell it, we'll buy one that you like, whatever you want Kate, please talk to me."

"Rick, you had your dreams, well the NDE's, for the last two nights, and well, I'm not sure if I brought it on, or just being back in New York, perhaps there are memories here that go deeper than you have told me. I mean God when could you, it's always been my problem, my issue, my hurt, I never once sat and asked you, Babe, are you happy, are you happier with me than before I came into your life."

"I'm sorry, I should have known something was up, I mean I wake and I find you holding my hand, kissing my forehead, just like you did in the hospital. I'm so sorry Kate, did I scare you, where these different than the others? I have some memories, but I thought they were just dreams."

"They were a bit different, you talked for the first time, you kept calling out, well it's not important Babe, we should let Ava know, we have to keep her updated." Rick could tell that Kate was hiding something,

"OK, Kate, spill, what did I call out, was it a name? Was it a female name? Did it upset you, well that's a stupid question, of course, it upset you, I'm sorry, but I can't make it right until I know what it was I did, please?"

"It's not important Rick, it was stupid for me to get jealous, I mean if I did, you were experiencing a recall of your NDE, but something changed, and that worried me. I'm sorry I can't hide it, I don't know what I would do if something happened to you, to us, please Rick call Ava later and schedule a session."

"I will, BUT I need to know exactly what I was saying Kate, that's a big clue for my psyche to know what time frame I was recalling. Remember I had 37 years pass in front of me in moments, well actually in a three-volume set. I'm sorry Babe, it's just a pain in the ass to keep remembering things that cause one or the both of us pain."

"Ok the name was Joanne, over and over, and you were pleading please don't go, and then you cried, I thought you were awake, but you were deep in the NDE, I'm sorry Babe" as she saw almost a look of terror come across his face.

"Rick, I'm sorry, it's not important who she is, really. I was stupid to get jealous, just talk to Ava and be sure you're staying on track, please Babe?"

Rick went to his office, opened the safe, leaving Kate sitting in wonderment of what was going on, who was Joanne, and why had it affected him so? They had talked about Kyra, and all of his other mates, but this name never came up. She was at a loss until he came through the door holding a small picture album.

"Babe really it's none of my business, as you said it was BR, or Before Rick, this was before Kate, and I had no right, I'm so sorry, please forgive me."

"Kate, if we're going to spend the rest of our lives together, neither of us can be afraid to call the other on details that we aren't sure of, you have a right to know, you will be my wife soon, and there are no secrets between us, not now, not ever."

He handed her the album and returned to his side of the chaise lounger, putting his arm around her as she opened the album.

"I'm not doing this to hurt you Kate, but you need to know everything the good, bad and the ugly. Everyone thinks my marriage to Gina broke up over infidelity, but in reality, it was over before she cheated"

Kate turned the page and saw a birth certificate, daughter, Joanne Castle, Father Richard Rodger Caste, Mother, Gina Cowell Castle, she rushed through the remainder of statistics but the date born, date of death, oh my God, the anniversary was yesterday, the day Rick had the worse NDE, and nightmare since they got together.

"She lived 5 weeks, and then she died, SIDS, the doctor said, but we never knew why. She was healthy, happy, and after three miscarriages Gina was on top of the world. The night she died, something died within us, perhaps it was the strength, will or even the love to go on.

"Anyway it wasn't 5 months after she passed, that Gina moved on, and finally filed for divorce once my attorney presented her the evidence he had collected. It was called a disillusionment, the end result was the same, another marriage, another failure, another one telling me I wasn't good enough."

Tears were in his eyes as Kate reached up and pulled his head into her chest, "Oh no Babe, no that's not what that means at all. It's another woman who just didn't know when they had heaven on earth, I'm so sorry about your daughter, I always assumed, well I, eh, I know"

"Kate, we didn't broadcast it, outside of Mother, and Paula, few know to this day. Alexis was too young, she thought that she went back where babies came from, that she was only loaned to us. How do you tell a five-year-old her sister died? I swore never to lie to her again, and I didn't.

"I finally told her about two years ago, she noticed an extra small headstone when we went to the cemetery for something. That was a memory, well I almost, well it hurt far worse than anything before or since. I didn't blame Gina, she was hurting as well, she just found relief in a different way than I did."

Kate held his head, feeling his tears fall on her blouse, but she just kissed his head, making shh, shh, comforting sounds, "Oh Babe, I can't imagine that loss, first a sweet little daughter, she was beautiful Rick, she really was. Then your marriage, God, it makes things I said even worse, oh I'm so sorry Rick, God, what a fool, how could you even stand me."

Rick slowly lifted his head, locked on her eyes, and said in a manner she had never heard before, "Because I loved you then, I love you now, and I'll love you always. I tried to walk away, God I tried, but I couldn't. You own a piece of my heart and will till the day I die."

"Did you tell Ava about Joanne? I mean now that the dreams are back, these are no ordinary memories, not for you, or me." Kate asked sweetly,

"I was hoping I wouldn't have to deal with it, but I guess, we don't get to pick life's events when our lives pass in front of our eyes, do we. I mean the last scene I see regardless of what vision, dream or whatever they are is me holding you in that alley, and sharing the kiss. God, I thought for the longest time that was the only kiss we would ever share, but it meant a hell of a lot more to me than just a ruse."

"Rick, it did for me as well. I dreamed of that night, often, not only when I was healing, but whenever I thought I couldn't go on, I would close my eyes and I could almost taste the sweet lips of yours" she lifted his head and duplicated the kiss, "the good news is now we don't have to ask, or wait. I'm here, and I will be till the end of time." He opened his eyes after the kiss, to see his fiancé locked on his face, the look of love in her eyes and her face showing her love.

"Kate would you mind going back to the city a little early, I want to show you where Joanne is and pay my respects. I always have balloons put on her grave for her birthday, and flowers for the day she left us, no matter where I am, or how long it's been. I went to the gravesite last year, and saw Alexis started to do the same."

Just then both their phones pinged with Alexis ringtone, different for each one, but both knew it was coming from Alexis. A group text, that read,

"Dad, Kate, sorry for the late notice, I'm back in the city, I know you haven't forgotten, but I thought I would go visit Sis for a few minutes, sorry I didn't tell you last night but Ginny decided late to head in for the week before I leave for Oxford. Love you both, see you at the Loft tomorrow, Good Luck" followed by heart emoji's

Kate just pulled Rick into her arms and said,

"Let's go, Babe, we can come back before we head back to Phoenix if you forgot anything, just grab your phone and laptop." She kissed him, noticing that his blue eyes were darker and full of tears.

Xx

As Kate drove back towards the loft, Rick spent a great deal of time staring out the window, unusually quiet, and obviously lost in thoughts and memories. His eyes would fill then he would turn his head, and squeeze her right hand a little harder, he hadn't let go of her since they had gotten into the car. He finally whispered,

"I'm sorry Babe, no matter how long it's been it still feels like yesterday. I've never hurt like that in my life, to be honest, I wanted to die, probably would have but Alexis was there and needed me."

"I'm so sorry Rick, nothing I can say will ever take that away from you, or Gina, how is she taking this now? I know you well enough to know you have forgiven her, is she OK?"

"She tried the support groups, the therapist, finally she just accepted it as if she were one of her miscarriages. I know it's not logical, she was born, healthy, and five weeks later she was taken from us, I know I will never be the same, I doubt she will either"

"I know Rick, but I want you to know if you need to talk with her, even hold her, to comfort her, I know you love me, she may need someone to share her pain with, it's a bitch when you try it alone and it can wreck lives."

He turned to look at her, with a look of amazement, "You really have no idea how special you are do you? I love this side of my fiancé, let others be badass, I love her being the one who supports even those she may not like. Thank You, I'm not sure how Gina is taking it, she never wanted to talk about it. That is till last year, Alexis cried and she comforted her, so she and Alexis talked for a long while, have no idea what was said, but it seemed to have helped them both."

They pulled into a private entrance where Rick directed her back to the vaults, in a section that had to be reserved for the VIPs. She parked the car, and instinctively put her arm around Rick as they walked inside the building, there the entire wall was marked Rogers, and balloons were still trying to fly, but the helium had almost all dissipated, there were three bouquets of flowers, Kate recognized Ricks immediately. It was a beautiful purple bouquet of different flowers with tiny baby breaths, she leaned in and kissed him gently. "I'm here Babe, not going anywhere"

Kate read the plaque and then pressed the button for the slide show, there on the screen was the most darling little girl, all wrapped in a purple baby blanket, Rick's eyes full of love, and Gina so proudly holding her baby with her arm intertwined with Ricks, it was truly a happy picture.

Kate had just turned the small slide show off, when she heard noise from behind her, there stood Gina with Alexis. Without saying a word, Gina crossed the room and pulled Kate into a hug, and broke down in tears, "Oh Kate, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I have never hurt this bad before and I wanted everyone to hurt, forgive me, please?"

"Shh, Shh Gina, nothing to forgive you for, I messed up enough on my own, but I want to let you know I love Rick, that means I love everyone he loves and that means you too, so I'm here for you when you need me, OK?"

Rick stood and watched his fiancé, his daughter, and his ex-wife number two stand and embrace over the resting place of one of his darkest secrets, it was time to tell Ava everything.

He read the plaque once again, holding the tears in with all of his might as his fingers lightly brushed each line;

_**You never said you were leaving,**_

_**You never said goodbye**_

_**You were gone before I knew it**_

_**And only God knew why**_

_**A million times we needed you**_

_**A million times we cried**_

_**If love alone could have saved you**_

_**You never would have died**_

_**In life, we loved you dearly**_

_**In death we love you still**_

_**In our hearts, you hold a place**_

_**No one else will ever fill**_

_**It broke our hearts to lose you**_

_**But you didn't go alone**_

_**Part of us all went with you**_

_**The day God took you home**_

TBC

**A/N Before I get a ton of comments about the timeline, ages and how could this happen, First, it's AU, I'm fully aware of Canon Timeline, I am invoking author privilege to bend times to fit the story plot. This really isn't a major part of the story, BUT I know I will get tons of comments about age differences, how did this happen, when were Rick and Gina divorced, etc., so relax, it's AU, let the story play out. Thanks, Tim**


	7. Chapter 7

**No Ordinary Memory **

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Another What If based on the continuing saga **_**Life Reassessment**_** loosely based on the episode, Cops and Robbers, except Rick is injured protecting Martha and Bank Teller Simone. It starts with Canon dialog, it goes quickly completely AU. Since this is a sequel, please read that first. No dinner, no boasts of who saved who, and twists of fate in the Castle's lives. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

_**Previously **_

_**Kate turned the page and saw a birth certificate, daughter, Joanne Castle, Father Richard Rodger Caste, Mother, Gina Cowell Castle, she rushed through the remainder of statistics but the date born, date of death, oh my God, the anniversary was yesterday, the day Rick had the worse NDE, and nightmare since they got together. **_

"_**She lived 5 weeks, and then she died, SIDS, the doctor said, but we never knew why. She was healthy, happy, and after three miscarriages Gina was on top of the world. The night she died, something died within us, perhaps it was the strength, will or even the love to go on. **_

"_**Anyway it wasn't 5 months after she passed, that Gina moved on, and finally filed for divorce once my attorney presented her the evidence he had collected. It was called a disillusionment, the end result was the same, another marriage, another failure, another one telling me I wasn't good enough."**_

*****************************************************************************/**

**Chapter 7**

**Calvary Cemetery**

**Brooklyn New York,**

**Same Day**

Rick ran his fingers lovingly over the plaque he and Gina had decided to erect, along with the small slide show in the Rogers building of the Mausoleum Section of Calvary Cemetery. He closed his eyes and he was right back there, one of the worse days in his life, trying to be strong for Gina, his wife, and his little girl asking where was sissy, and when would she see her again.

Some pains never dull, all it took was a minute to see his now ex-wife cry, knowing full well how much she had hurt before his own heartache returned. He glanced over to the three ladies, all who were very special to him in different ways, proud that in the time of need they were there for each other. As unusual as it may seem to others, he considered this normal, when someone hurts you comfort if you can, and be confident in your relationship to keep the jealousy out of the situation.

Kate knew, Alexis knew, and Gina certainly knew the love he had for his last one and done, and that made Kate's act of kindness to Gina even more touching to him. She had changed so much, no longer badass Beckett, always looking for a motive behind even the simplest gestures of kindness in life, rather she was beginning to see what life really was, embracing each moment and doing the best you can.

"Kate, I'm so sorry you had to see this, I usually can contain myself till I walk away, but today, well, I'm sorry"

"Gina, I won't insult you and say I know how you feel, only those who went through what you did, could even begin to understand your pain. I know what grief feels like, I love Rick and all that he loves, you included." She wiped a tear from Gina's eye and was still holding Alexis's hand.

They walked over to Rick, he quietly cleared his voice and choked back the tears he had successfully kept in check, as he kissed Kate, then Alexis, then to her surprise, he pulled Gina in for a quick kiss.

"You heard Kate Gina, she loves those I love, and she's right I still love you in a special way. Just so this is in the open, Kate and I talked, this is family, let's plan something not to mourn but to celebrate those lives who went on. I know how devastated losing our child was to you Gina, I was there, and I know you didn't believe it at the time, but it was all I could do to get out of bed each morning. If I hadn't had this one, God knows where either of us would be" as he pulled Alexis into a hug."

"I'm sorry for that Rick, I've learned through years of therapy, that I was selfish, I was only thinking of my grief, and that was terribly wrong, please forgive me."

'Gina, there's nothing to be forgiven for, that was all done a long time ago. My therapist convinced me I could never find inner peace if I harbored ill feelings against you, as he put it you were two humans dealing with life's most terrible event the best way you could. No Blame, no guilt, just honor Joanne's memory not by hiding her memory away except for one day, celebrate it by helping others who have gone through what we did.

"I know you've looked at me like I was crazy, ever since the Near-Death Experience, I look at life totally different. Some call what Kate and I went through as memories, well, if they are, they are no ordinary memories because we both have changed.

"Gina, I would like to go public with Joanne's short life, and honor her with a foundation, to celebrate the little life that did mean the world to us both. Even now years later is still loved by many, I'll respect your wishes if you choose not to, but I wanted to ask you to consider it."

"Rick, it's not that I'm ashamed of anything you and I ever did, especially not Joanne, our best work, but you and Kate will be married soon. Please consider how it will make her feel, I'll agree to it as long as no one knows she's our daughter. I don't think it's fair to Kate to start off a marriage with memories of your husband's previous life. Kate, I'm sorry if I'm speaking out of turn, but we can honor Joanne without the press focusing in on the dirty laundry that was aired after the divorce, more me than you Rick but I don't want the good overshadowed by the slimeball press revealing details to sell papers."

Kate is standing with tears in her eyes, hardly believing the words coming out of Gina, she had no clue how she would react, but this was certainly not even a remote thought.

"Dad, Gina, can I make a suggestion, Kate if this isn't OK with you just say so, please"

"What is it, baby?" Gina asked

"Dad, you can start a donation or awareness to SIDS, dedicating it to JC and all the families who have endured the ordeal of losing a beautiful child, in such an awful fashion."

"That's a great idea pumpkin, what do you think Gina, Kate?"

"I agree it's a great thought, but I think that we leave the initials out of it, we know who we are honoring and why didn't Bob Weldon lose a child to SIDS around the time we lost Joanne Rick? Let it go without names and let the press assume it's in honor of your friend and Mayor. The last thing you want Kate doing is trying to fend off the jackals trying to confirm we had a child, again Kate, forgive me if that's not how you feel."

"Gina, that's very sweet of you, I'll tell you this, I'm not afraid of the jerks in the press so it's really up to you and Rick what you want to name it or who to dedicate the effort to. The important thing is that so many families will benefit from your fundraising. You and Rick had the funds for therapy, what if you had been poor, working paycheck to paycheck, how or where would you have turned?"

Alexis cast her vote silently, crossing the few steps and hugging Kate tightly, "You're right Kate, Sis knows what's going on, it's more important to get help to those who need it most. No wonder Dad loves you so, I don't know what happened to you both, but please don't change back" she tried to smile through her tears.

"Rick, let's leave the initials out of the fundraising, Black Pawn will match your donations of proceeds from the next book, that should really give the SIDS foundation a boost of needed capital"

"OK, I'm fine with that Genes, wait, what next book, you know I'm not under contract anymore right?"

"I know but if you want to double you take on your work, Uncle Harry retired, I'm handling negotiations. I know you have at least four novels for Heat that you have started, some almost completed, it would be a heck of a way to get back into the game Rick, talk it over with Kate, and let me know when you can."

"How did you know, eh, never mind, Mother, he muttered under his breath. I promise Kate and I will talk about it, but I'd like to make this our next major project. Kate are you in?"

"Where you go Babe, I go, Of course I'm in."

It may have looked like a strange site to some but Rick, Kate, Gina, and Alexis all left a memorial plague with hope in their heart that each was doing something more to help, not just mourn a tragedy. The site of Rick with his ex-wife on one arm, fiancée on the other would truly bring the paparazzi out, but it was a secure location of Calvary cemetery.

The Paparazzi may get in, but they wouldn't leave in the same condition, Rick had special security on the entire section as one overzealous member found out the hard way. His camera was crushed along with some bones, he would serve as a great first-hand witness and deterrent, once he healed.

Xx

**Doctor Carter Burke's Office**

**Monday 9:00 AM**

Kate and Rick were up early, well, late if you counted the marathon of lovemaking sessions they enjoyed. Kate had never felt clingy to anything, or anyone in her life, not even as a child, but she got addicted to the Rick Castle bug and now she was hopelessly clinging on to him. She had to be close to him, if not touching him in some form, it seemed completely natural for her to feel complete. He was almost as bad, gently and discretely placing his hand on her back, shoulder, unconsciously reaching for her hand, totally lost in love.

They had stopped at the Java Hut near Doctor Burke's office, and strangely enough one of the young baristas was still working there. Rick had no more than made it inside the door till a flash of blond hair went flying by Kate and grabbed him into a hug.

"Rick, it's so good to see you, my whole family said prayers for you, it's so good to see you back here" she was almost weeping,

Rick never hesitated, "It's great to be back Stacy, I want you to meet the lady who was the recipient of all those lattes, double pump*"

"Sugar-free vanilla, I never forgot it Rick," turning to face Kate, you have to be the love of his life he talked about from time to time, the inspiration for Nikki Heat, Detective Beckett. We heard that you resigned and joined Rick, and outside of Marcy who was secretly holding out hoping she had a shot with him, we're thrilled to death." She gushed,

Kate turned red, but, hugged the young lady, Rick definitely knew her she had no name tag, but to know the details about them both she had to be a fan. "Thanks, Stacy, first, it's good to finally meet the person who got every cup of coffee perfect, it was Rick's way to say I love You, and you made it so special, every day so thank you. I did resign but I have a better job, I work with my fiancé helping others achieve more, and that's more important than any case I ever worked. Thanks for keeping an eye on him, I was kind of stubborn back then and well, *

"You don't have to say anything Kate, he wore his heart on his sleeve and we always tried to tell him you would come around, well everyone but Marcy," she laughed putting Kate at ease, she was among some of Rick's friends. She thought back, how many people could she count on, Rick had millions from all walks of life, from baristas to millionaires, he made no difference in any of them in the way they were treated. Every friend had the same value to him, something she had to learn, the hard way.

"How's the little one Stacy, things going better" he asked casually

"She's doing great Rick; we'll never be able to thank you for your generosity. She's officially cured of Cancer as of last month. We could have never afforded the treatments, even selling everything we owned, how do you thank someone who gave you your child back? We wish we could find some way" as the tears flowed from her eyes,

Rick stepped in, gently hugging her, "Hey, hey, no waterworks that was the deal, right? I didn't do anything anyone else in my position wouldn't have done, a friend needs help, you help" as Stacy tried to control her emotions. Kate now knew why her man was so loved by so many. Just the way he said it, like he had bought her a cup of coffee, no big deal. That was how Rick had always been, if he could help, he did, without being asked.

"Hey, you OK now Stacy?"

"Yes, I'm so sorry Rick, Kate, I didn't mean to do that, it's just you gave us our little girl back and you really don't know how much you are loved, Kate, you're getting one of the best, believe us, we see them all coming in here. No one beats this one."

"Hey, enough of that, Kate already thinks I bribed you to say good things", as he smiled, she laughed and Kate's heart swelled with pride. "We have an appointment Stacy, but we had to come in, I wanted you to meet Kate, my wife to be, and the one that makes me who I am."

"Rick it was great to see you, and please don't be a stranger", as she tried to give him his money back, without success, a hundred-dollar bill for two cups of coffee,

"We'll be making trips I promise you, so we'll see you again Stacy, Thanks so much" it was Kate who spoke up,

As they made their way out of the coffee shop she stopped and pulled him down on the first park bench, kissing him with all of the love she could find in her heart. "I love you, Richard Castle, God knows why, but I thank him that you love me as you do. You're somebody very special and I'm by your side, Always"

He kissed her back, then locked on her eyes, as he asked, "Are you nervous about seeing the doctor?"

"I was, but not anymore, something tells me my husband to be will take care of everything, I have nothing to worry about, so I'm not."

"I love you, Kate Beckett, I'll take care of you, I promise. I wanted to say thank you for the visit with Gina, I know it meant a lot to her, as well as Alexis. Joanne would have loved you, I just know it and Gina, well, she's not a bad person, so please forgive her."

"Rick, after doing some of the things I have done, I have no right to cast any stone at anyone. She was your wife, you loved each other, things happened, then I met and fell in love with you. Thankfully you loved me back" she smiled, then kissed him sweetly.

"Wait, did you say you fell in love with me Kate? When? I thought I was the love-struck puppy,"

"Well I was the bitch, or I would have given in to my feelings. When? When did you fall in love with me? I think I know, but I want you to tell me, OK?" She pulled a pen from her purse and wrote on the side of her coffee cup so Rick couldn't see.

"Well, being honest, I wanted to sleep with you the moment I met you, but I'm glad you turned me down. I fell in love with you, when we worked the Scott Dunn case, I was so afraid you would be taken from me. You, I think fell in love with me in LA when we worked Royce's case. Am I right?"

She smiled, turned the cup for Rick to read, Candela Case, looking for the rabbit, "What, you fell in love me then? How, Why, I mean you never let on,"

"I know and now I am kicking myself for every minute I wasted when we could have what we have now. It took you almost dying to open my eyes, and that is something I have been working with Doctor Burke about. I know we have a joint session, but I want you to know Rick, ask me anything, Babe, I promise you no more lies, no more sub-text, I want to live the rest of my life with you."

Rick still had the shocked look on his face as they made it to Doctor Burke's office, where another surprise was waiting for him. When Kate told the receptionist she was there, she asked if Mr. Castle was with her, Dr. Gupta was waiting to see him during Kate's session with Doctor Burke.

Rick looked shocked, turned to Kate, "I promise you, Rick, this is a surprise to me as well."

The receptionist looked up, "Mr. Castle, the appointment was made by your Daughter, Ms. Alexis Castle since everyone was going to be in the same city at the same time."

They found their seats, never letting go of each other's hand, until Doctor Burke appeared at the door, greeted Kate, and introduced himself to Rick. Behind him was Ava, who hugged Kate, and said to Rick,

"You ready to talk Rick, I understand we have some new developments"

He turned and kissed Kate, and heard her whisper, "I'm right here Babe, I'll always be here, I love you." As he followed Ava behind the door and Doctor Burke showed her to his office. This visit was going to be interesting, to say the least.


	8. Chapter 8

**No Ordinary Memory **

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Another What If based on the continuing saga **_**Life Reassessment**_** loosely based on the episode, Cops and Robbers, except Rick is injured protecting Martha and Bank Teller Simone. It starts with Canon dialog, it goes quickly completely AU. Since this is a sequel, please read that first. No dinner, no boasts of who saved who, and twists of fate in the Castle's lives. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

_**Previously **_

"_**Well I was the bitch, or I would have given in to my feelings. When? When did you fall in love with me? I think I know, but I want you to tell me, OK?" She pulled a pen from her purse and wrote on the side of her coffee cup so Rick couldn't see.**_

"_**Well, being honest, I wanted to sleep with you the moment I met you, but I'm glad you turned me down. I fell in love with you, when we worked the Scott Dunn case, I was so afraid you would be taken from me. You, I think fell in love with me in LA when we worked Royce's case. Am I right?"**_

_**She smiled, turned the cup for Rick to read, Candela Case, looking for the rabbit, "What, you fell in love me then? How, Why, I mean you never let on,"**_

"_**I know and now I am kicking myself for every minute I wasted when we could have what we have now. It took you almost dying to open my eyes, and that is something I have been working with Doctor Burke about. I know we have a joint session, but I want you to know Rick, ask me anything, Babe, I promise you no more lies, no more sub-text, I want to live the rest of my life with you."**_

*****************************************************************************/**

**Chapter 8**

**Doctor Carter Burke's Office**

**Monday 9:00 AM**

**Rick's Session with Ava**

Rick hugged a smiling Ava, then waited as she hugged Kate and turned and walked towards a smaller office down the hall from Doctor Burke's. She was smiling, a smile he hadn't seen on her since they first met, and she not only seemed happy, she was, it was apparent to anyone.

"Wow Ava, looks like Jeremy and you are doing great, I've never seen you look happier"

"I am happy Rick, I thought back to when I first met you, how kind you were, and how right your prediction was that the right one would come along, I think he did." Her smile lit up the room,

"We're happy for you both Ava, Jeremy is good people, we've seen him struggle all the way through law school, then try to make his mark under his Dad's firm, which is no small task for anyone. I'm glad he's striking out on his own, I already talked to Henry about transitioning my work to him since he has hinted at retirement for years."

"That's kind of you Rick, but I'd like to start this by saying that please don't be upset with Alexis, she and I were just girl talking when she mentioned that you and Kate would be here for a visit to Doctor Burke, I thought it was a good idea to tag along since we share so much and I want to ensure we are on the same page for treatments."

"Ava, I've learned a long time ago, I can't control my kid, it only looks like it from the outside. She's raised me more than I ever did for her." He smiled, but Ava wondered how much truth there really was to that statement, Alexis was smart but a Daddy's girl all the way.

"Well, I'm glad about that. Now how have you been doing, I know sometimes coming back to the environment where a tragedy or event occurred will trigger amplified symptoms of NDE, including dreams that reveal facts you had suppressed.

"It's normal, as I told you when we started down this path, sometimes it takes time to completely face demons that were brought to light by our NDE. I'm still dealing with one myself, so why don't we talk about your changes if any."

"Ava, how much did Alexis tell you, it's OK, I'm not upset I just want to know how much you already know so I can either further explain the circumstances or inform you of what happened."

"Well, since Alexis isn't my patient, I can share our girl talk with you. She was worried, then extremely proud of both you and Kate both when you visited Joanne this past weekend. Previous years she knew you always went by yourself, had your quiet time, but she was impressed that you had included Kate. She explained the arrival of Gina, the interaction between the three ladies, and how you handled the entire situation."

"Well, it's not every day you're reminded in a dream such an event that is so real, it seemed like it was happening in real-time for me, I can't speak for Gina, but she always had a tough time with this day. A little background for you that perhaps even Alexis doesn't know, I have shared this with Kate since she needs to know everything, good, bad and ugly before she commits, it's only fair."

"Rick, I think she's already committed, I saw the rock on her hand, nice taste by the way. Are you giving her an out?"

"Ava, I never considered that Kate had experienced her own NDE until we talked, that's why she sought your help in connection with Doctor Burke. I don't look at what we're both doing as an out, or means to end our relationship. We call it full disclosure, meaning we are willing to talk about anything in our past BEFORE we say I do.

"I have walked down the aisle twice before, both times for the wrong reason, I see now, but this is my last 'one and done' I will ever have. I need her to know, to understand, the man she is pledging to spend her life with has many skeletons in his closet that he's not proud of. A wise therapist told me recently, I can't change the past, I can only learn from mistakes and try to turn them into something productive. That's what we both are doing now."

"Rick, I know this is sensitive, but I think we need to talk about Joanne, what happened, not the medical reason, but what happened between you and Gina to kill the love you both apparently had, and forgive me, still have in some form today from my perception."

"Well, Gina and I married, after a short courtship, we thought our physical attraction along with our work, love of writing, could serve as a great starting point for our personal relationship, and it was, for a short time. Everyone assumes they can reproduce; I know that thought never entered our minds, we had it planned, finish two novels, then take three years of part-time work from home for her as we brought our child into the world and got them off to a good start.

"Gina loved the idea of being a mother, frankly I think she married me more because of how much she loved Alexis than she did me, or at least it had a big factor. This is perhaps one of if not my biggest sin that I have to live with, I withheld Alexis from her, fearing that my little girl would love her more somehow. It's foolish, and even so hurtful to even say the words, but I did it, I held back and cheated Gina out of her biggest desire.

"The next step was after we weren't conceiving for almost 7 months we went to the doctor and found out the bad news. I think the words he used were "her eggs were at war with my sperm" and gave some medical reason. What hurt was she would be able to conceive with any of the 87% of American males, and I with 76% of any other women. We just weren't able to conceive with each other.

"The doctor explained the options, and we chose in vitro, they were trying to manipulate the chemistry of both the egg and sperm and, to be honest, it reduced something that we always thoroughly enjoyed, never having any issues or problems into almost a work task, for us both.

"Prior to this, our sex life was way above average, after it fell off the charts unless the conditions were right for harvesting, as they called it. It killed our desire for sex with each other, and deepened depression for us both, although I wouldn't accept the diagnosis as depression for me."

"How did Gina respond to this Rick; did she share your doubts of depression or how did this impact her physically and mentally."

"Ava, I truly wish I knew, I wish I had taken the time to ask her, to show her I was there for her. She hid her feelings by burying herself in work, and I in my writing. We did anything to avoid going to bed anywhere near the same time, it was awkward, to say the least.

"We stopped talking, until after our 5th attempt, Gina wound up pregnant, and it was like we were just married again. She had suffered two miscarriages, and two attempts that just didn't work, for whatever reason, but she was getting more depressed with each failure.

"I remember the last miscarriage, she was almost 7 weeks along, holding her breath to get through the danger zone, and it happened, she lost it. I'll never forget the scream that came from our bathroom, and all I could do was kneel and hold her as she cried. All those memories faded with her reaching the second trimester with no ill effects, all the tests were normal, the beautiful part was Joanne was conceived the old-fashioned way. In comforting her, we made love for the first time in what seemed a lifetime. When we returned to the doctor for the attempt, he gave us the news, no procedure needed."

Rick was looking out of the window, somewhere far away as he talked, tears came to his eyes and trickled down his cheeks. If he was aware of them, he didn't acknowledge it. He described in detail to Ava how they remodeled the nursery how close they grew, forgiving all the hurtful words and deeds, truly thinking that this was the start of their marriage, part two, a new start with a baby.

He told of how he even allowed Alexis to crawl up on the couch and Gina hold her, as she placed her hand on her stomach when the baby kicked. One of the few times he allowed Gina the privilege of what she always wanted to be, a mother and a wife. His voice cracked a bit when he described the trip to the hospital, how he held Gina's hand until they told him Joanna was breached and she would need surgical intervention.

He told of how Gina was the brave one, kissing him and telling she had this, go enjoy the coffee, she'd see him in a little while. Gina made it through the delivery, Joanna was healthy, his prayers, and yes, he had prayed for the first time in he couldn't remember when. Life was good, he even enjoyed his turn for three o'clock feedings, since Gina used the pump that allowed her to share the tasks.

Then the night horror struck, he couldn't get past the part where the baby monitor sounded they both rushed into the nursery, and called 9-1-1 and then the horrible news any parent would give their life not to hear, "I'm sorry Rick, Gina, Joanna is gone, we tried our best" was all Rick could remember. He stopped talking, as his tears were falling harder now.

Ava walked over hugged him and guided him back to the couch, she opened the bottle of water, and placed in his hand,

"Drink this Rick, take your time, that was very brave and I think will help you with the dreams spurred by your NDE."

Rick looked up, willing himself to complete the story, took a drink of the water then continued.

"The next few weeks were the worst of my life, I had been to many funerals, never one for a child, and this was my child we had wanted so badly. Gina was the strong one, she allowed me to fall apart, and I think she handled every arrangement, I added the plaque on the first anniversary of her death.

"It's something we never talked about, but we were never the same. I knew my marriage was over, I had heard the rumors, but didn't act until finally, I hired the PI who only took a week to file a report of her infidelity. I gave her an option file for disillusionment and accept the settlement or if we went to court I would file for adultery. She was gone when I got back from a local signing, and the marriage was officially over two weeks later.

"I never brought Joanne up, neither did she, the nursery equipment was donated to a local church and I had the room converted into a second office, I just couldn't face the memory. Each year I send balloons to her on her birthday, and flowers on the day of her death. I finally told Alexis the full story two years ago, I think she and Gina have bonded over it, I know she's talked to her, I couldn't."

"That's understandable Rick, now what we have to do is turn those memories of the five weeks Joanne Castle was on this earth into memories that will fuel you both, not bring you down. I understand Kate and Gina met at the mausoleum when you were there to visit recently."

"Yes, we were there, I heard a noise and turned and the next thing I saw was Gina in Kate's arms, with Alexis holding each of their hands. Kate was wonderful, she told Gina that she loved me and everyone I did, that included her and she was there for her"

"Was that unusual Rick, I mean it's compassionate but you speak as if it were a surprise to you."

"Ava, it was a complete reversal of the old Kate, she was always full of her problems, her grief, to even notice when someone needed help, this time she reached out with compassion and love, and believe me I haven't painted Gina in the best of scenarios. I was surprised but very pleased."

"Did you tell Kate this Rick?"

"Yes, I finally got it Ava, and we did talk, I explained the entire story of how Joanne came about before we went to pay our respects. I was open, honest, and vulnerable as she put it, something I haven't been in the past."

"How would you say your relationship with Kate has changed since she came back into your life"

"I didn't trust her, I was waiting for the shoe to drop and her to go back to the old Kate. At the first opportunity she proved me wrong, she stayed open and true to me. I still thought it was too good to be true until after several occasions I decided to give her the respect she earned, she hasn't disappointed me yet. She's turned into a new Kate Beckett, I can't wait to make her my wife, and spend the rest of my life with her."

"What's stopping you, Rick?" Ava's questions were direct, and to the point

"I, eh, well we have a lot going on, you know that,"

"I also know that she deserves a chance Rick, she's earned the right to be your last one and done as you put it, things will wait a week or two for you two to get your heads out of your behinds and go do what you've wanted to do for years, it doesn't have to be a big social event.

"I'll bet Kate would be happy with the Mayor, and just a few friends in attendance. Rick, get over the fear, we've all hurt, but we're all still here. Let her in, you won't ever regret it"

"You're right Ava, thanks and thanks for making me vocalize the pain I have hidden away for years, I feel better"

"Great, if I know Doctor Burke as well as I think I do, he will be wrapping up Kate's session soon, so is there anything, anything at all you want to ask?"

Rick looked at the floor, then out the window, "Rick, ask it, as a friend or as your doctor"

"Will you and Jeremy consider our Hamptons estate for one of your venues, and you need to say yes when he asks,"

She blushed, but smiled, "I do love him, Rick, do you think he's going to ask soon?"

"I'll bet the only thing holding him back is his Dad's instruction not to rain on Kate and my parade, so as soon as we get married, be prepared. Let's go see if my future wife is ready for our joint session."


	9. Chapter 9

**No Ordinary Memory **

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Another What If based on the continuing saga **_**Life Reassessment**_** loosely based on the episode, Cops and Robbers, except Rick is injured protecting Martha and Bank Teller Simone. It starts with Canon dialog, it goes quickly completely AU. Since this is a sequel, please read that first. No dinner, no boasts of who saved who, and twists of fate in the Castle's lives. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

_**Previously **_

"_**Did you tell Kate this Rick?"**_

"_**Yes, I finally got it Ava, and we did talk, I explained the entire story of how Joanne came about before we went to pay our respects. I was open, honest, and vulnerable as she put it, something I haven't been in the past."**_

"_**How would you say your relationship with Kate has changed since she came back into your life"**_

"_**I didn't trust her; I was waiting for the shoe to drop and her to go back to the old Kate. At the first opportunity she proved me wrong, she stayed open and true to me. I still thought it was too good to be true until after several occasions I decided to give her the respect she earned, she hasn't disappointed me yet. She's turned into a new Kate Beckett, I can't wait to make my wife, and spend the rest of my life with."**_

*****************************************************************************/**

_**A/N Bob Guest, if you think the story is losing steam, then you are reading the wrong type. It's love, and romance, not an action drama, so let the story play out, or find another that moves faster, or in your words gets on with it whatever that means. Sorry to have to let others see this, but you didn't leave a return address **_

**Chapter 9**

**Doctor Carter Burke's Office**

**Monday 9:00 AM**

**Kate's Session with Dr. Burke**

Kate watched as her fiancé walked away, knowing that he didn't enjoy sessions such as this, but he would do anything to prove to her that this was his last relationship, till death due us part meant exactly that to him now. She fell in love with him more with each day, she was just beginning to see the enormous heart the man had.

**Flashback to After the Cemetery**

Gina had called and talked to her for almost two hours, explaining Joanne, the trials, the tribulations and how she had been such a witch, she often thought Rick would never talk to her again. Rick had smiled as she talked, got up from the sofa, and went to his office to work, giving her privacy to speak or ask any question she wished.

Kate was surprised at just how much Rick had put up with, especially during the effort to get pregnant, in Gina's words, "he was a saint Kate, no one could or would have been as patient with me as he was." The hormones were raging from the medications the doctors had prescribed but many times she was just a bitch, in her own words.

Kate had learned from Rick if you want to know something you have to ask direct questions. So, perhaps it was rude, or unexpected, but she had to know, "Gina, I want to ask you something and if you don't want to answer I'll understand, but I need to ask, forgive me."

"I think I know what it is, but go-ahead Kate, ask the question. Hopefully, my answer will save you from ever making the same mistake,"

"Gina, again, I'm sorry but I hear you tell me what a great husband and man he was, even in less than happy times, what drove you to cheat on him, especially knowing how much he was, and still is hurting from Meredith's infidelity."

"I could give you all kinds of textbook answers that therapy has provided, but the honest truth was, and is I really don't know. I knew he loved me, was faithful, would do anything to pull me out of the funk, yet I got weird. I thought he didn't hurt as I did, and I wanted him to feel some of the pain that I didn't know he was already carrying deep inside of him.

"The Therapist told me it was a transference of my guilt and shame, yes I did feel shame. In my mind somehow, I wasn't good enough to provide him a child so I was ashamed. In her words, I transferred my inner anger and pain to an object or person that I loved, in this case, it was Rick and did the one thing I knew would hurt him as deeply as I hurt. It was stupid Kate, oh so stupid, and I wish to God I never had but the pain was so great, for both of us, just being around each other was a reminder of what we lost."

"Gina, have you ever told Rick this, I mean you're right, it did hurt him deeply. I don't have the best track record of that myself, but I think you need to tell Rick, then ask him to forgive you for the lapse in your judgment. Don't get me wrong, I'm in no way green lighting your return to his life as anything more than what you are now, but I've recently found that you have to open and admit the things you've done to really be forgiven and move on."

"Thanks, Kate, you gave me the same recommendation as my therapist, but I just couldn't bring myself to say those words. I mean I know it was wrong, I know I hurt Rick, but I had no idea how deeply."

"I think my husband to be needs to hear the story from you, he still beats himself up when he gets down, even blaming himself for things that none of us can control. Well, you know how he always takes the blame, it would help if you told him the real reason, I mean if you feel up to it." Kate rushed out the last part, not knowing what to expect back

"Kate, it'll be hard, all I can promise now is let me talk to my therapist, and if I can get the right support, I will try, I'm sorry, I know you love him, and he deserves better, but I really will work on it"

"That's all anyone can ask at this point Gina, Thanks for considering it"

Xx

**Present Time**

**Doctor Burke's Office **

"Hello Kate, how are you doing. I've heard a lot of changes have occurred we need to chat about, come on in and get comfortable." Doctor Burke greets in his warm deep voice with his gentle smile,

"Hi Doctor Burke, thanks for setting this up on short notice, we're in New York for a short while and Ava, eh, Dr. Gupta thought it would be good if we could all sit down in one session to discuss the NDE's for both Rick and I. I'm uncertain if I will be in New York, or Phoenix full time, I'm hoping Phoenix but it's Rick's call. I promised him where he went, I would go, and I mean it."

"Wow, great opening statement Kate, I can remember a time when I couldn't have gotten that much information from you in three complete sessions. I have to comment, you look happy, does that have anything to do with the new piece of jewelry you're wearing on your left hand?" he smiled

"It has everything to do with it Doctor Burke, I was always afraid that without NYPD I wouldn't know who or what I was. Rick has shown me how to make a difference in countless lives, and I don't need to chase bad guys down and risk getting shot." She winced with the last word, one of the few times she's been able to actually vocalize the word.

"I see you actually used the word in your description, you winced a bit, but you still were able to say it. That's great progress, Kate, I would like to focus on your NDE and why you chose to keep it hidden until events with your husband to be forced you to be open and vulnerable. I have the reports from Dr. Gupta, along with our SKYPE calls but I like the old way, so why don't you tell me about it, as much as you're comfortable with." He smiled and Kate only had to think of Rick for a moment before she found the courage to speak.

"Doctor Burke, I kept a lot of things hidden, secret to all, even my very closet friends even before my shooting. Afterward, I realized that I really had no one I could confide in, and well we both know I fought this process when I was ready to return. The NDE dream occurred immediately to me when I went to the cabin, I think it was the first night I was alone. Dad had left to get supplies and return in a few days, I think so he wouldn't shoot me, I was terrible to everyone.

"I fell asleep in the afternoon, and I dreamed the exact same events that I had witnessed right after I was shot, Rick was holding my head, I could hear the words as if he were there, and when I awoke, I was spooked. The dream was so real, now I know it was just another manifestation of the NDE, and completely normal, but at the time I thought I was losing it, totally.

"I couldn't rationalize why I would ever leave an opportunity to be with Mom again until I remembered she looked down as I did, and nodded in approval. Well, I had made such a mess of any chance of a relationship with Rick, I didn't want to have to deal with it. I thought I could work my way back to him slowly, and we were progressing, slowly, I agree, but at least it was better.

"The bank bombing, Rick almost dying brought back a triple feature every time I closed my eyes, I couldn't see anything but his blue eyes, filling with tears, holding my head and telling me he loved me. If he died, he would never know I felt the same, so when he came around, I told him.

"Like his timing with me, my timing sucked as well, I hadn't thought out how to balance work with love, I never had to do it before, so I fell into the old habits till he called me on it. I thought I had lost him for sure, God my heart ached more from that than any bullet could ever cause. When he finally gave me another chance, I came clean with him, all of the details that I've told no one, not even you Doctor Burke.

"We talked, really talked and he proposed, the happiest day of my life. I will not leave his side, as long as I can be near him, that's all I ask now. He offered me a chance to make a difference to many people without risking my own life, something he was more fearful of than he ever let on. We should be in full swing with A New Horizon, Phase I, Phoenix by the end of the year, and I may take up writing myself, heck I have a great teacher in a captive audience" she laughed, something that Doctor Burke had not heard all the time he had known her.

"Well, Kate, that covered it much better than the journal you were probably afraid I was going to assign you", as he smiled Kate reached into her bag and pulled out a worn notebook,

"Doctor Burke, this was the tool that made me remember somedays why I was still here, why I should stop feeling sorry for myself and get out and help someone else. It shamed me for being so selfish, and now it's making me a much better fiancé to Rick. We disagree, but we don't fight, I've learned to compromise."

"Kate, how do you feel about your NDE now? Does it help you or still scare you when the dreams, which is a manifestation of special not just an ordinary memory,"

"I no longer fear them, I only hope that I can be as strong for Rick as he has always been for me, regardless of what he will say. He's getting better but as I told him, we have reminders of our lives, we get a chance to do things to make what we failed at right, and if we do it together nothing in this world can stop us. I look at them as our reminders to make each day count, not to waste one precious moment"

"Well Kate, there's not much I can add to what you've said, for your portion. I know you love Mr. Castle, and for the good of everyone, Dr. Gupta and I would like to co-chair the next session with you both. Sometimes, the pendulum can swing too far one direction or the other, I think you have a handle on it, but as I've described it before, couples need to learn how to fight fairly.

"We'll address this when we have our joint session, but I think we gave us all a break for lunch which I'm ready for now. Any questions for me, I want you to know I'm very proud of you, and how far you've come, great job and congratulations on all of the positive life events.

Xx

Kate and Rick had grabbed a quick cheeseburger combo from Remy's having it delivered, to the outer office so they wouldn't run into anyone from the 12th, at least not yet. They spoke freely as they ate, it almost seemed like the sessions were proving to them both, they were ready for the next step in their relationship. One thing stuck with Kate, she had even made a note about it, how to fight fairly?

"I think, and I know I'm no professional, but I seem to recall some early research, it meant or I interpreted it to mean, providing a safe area after a disagreement so you don't sit and sulk, just adding gasoline to a raging fire. I know Gina and I had a room where if one of us went the other didn't come in until the door was opened. That was the sign that things had cooled down enough to discuss what had angered the other."

"Did you two fight that much Rick, "I'm sorry that's BK, before Kate and none of my business."

"Yes, it is your business, the answer to your question was not at first, we hardly ever even disagreed. When the trials came about the pregnancy and they drug out, it was a common practice for one or both of us to spend an entire week in the safe room, only coming out to harvest the sperm or eggs. I know really sounds romantic now that I look back on it." He tried to smile,

"Babe, it's OK, I know the story, Gina told me about those days and as she put it the Bitch, she was to you, she shared the same opinion about the process of harvesting. I think her quote was, "they thought we were fucking vending machines, insert a coin and receive egg or sperm" it killed any desire for either of us for a long, long time."

Kate looked into his blue eyes and saw relief come and for the first time all day, he smiled her smile for just her.

"I love you, Kate, I don't remember how long it's been since I told you that today, but I want to tell you every hour of every day. I'm sorry I know you don't like being choked with emotions"

"Rick, I love to hear it, and I want to say it to you, I just didn't want to be some clinging vine. You don't choke me with your love, it's what keeps me going, Babe."

"You'll never be a clinging vine, just the rose that grows in my heart, and no I didn't steal that line. I've been trying to describe to others just how you make me feel every time I'm with you." He pulled her into a sweet passionate kiss, and then they both heard, voices being cleared,

"Ah-hem, are we ready to continue, I trust we allowed you enough time for lunch." Dr. Burke said, hiding a smile.

Kate blushed, but her answer surprised them all, "Thanks Doctor Burke, but there will never be enough time for me to spend with Rick, and my only regret is for the time I wasted"

"Very well, shall we continue in my office," Doctor Burke said as he and Ava stepped through the door, holding it open for Rick and Kate.

Xx

Doctor Burke started off very using very generic descriptions about how he had treated Kate, he was interrupted after the first few minutes,

"Dr. Burke, Rick and I have talked about my treatment in detail, if you need me to sign something to let you discuss my treatment, please bring them out. We need to dig deeper, and not gloss over his or my issues, we're in this together."

"Very Well Kate, as you know I record most of my sessions so your verbal approval is all I need, Mr. Castle, how do you feel about Dr. Gupta speaking openly about your condition?"

"Ava knows she can tell Kate everything, in fact she better have already. This is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, once she knows all the baggage she's taking on."

"Very well, shall we begin?"

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

**No Ordinary Memory **

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Another What If based on the continuing saga **_**Life Reassessment**_** loosely based on the episode, Cops and Robbers, except Rick is injured protecting Martha and Bank Teller Simone. It starts with Canon dialog, it goes quickly completely AU. Since this is a sequel, please read that first. No dinner, no boasts of who saved who, and twists of fate in the Castle's lives. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

_**Previously **_

"_**The bank bombing, Rick almost dying brought back a triple feature every time I closed my eyes, I couldn't see anything but his blue eyes, filling with tears, holding my head and telling me he loved me. If he died, he would never know I felt the same, so when he came around, I told him. **_

"_**Like his timing with me, my timing sucked as well, I hadn't thought out how to balance work with love, I never had to do it before, so I fell into the old habits till he called me on it. I thought I had lost him for sure, God my heart ached more from that than any bullet could ever cause. When he finally gave me another chance, I came clean with him, all of the details that I've told no one, not even you Doctor Burke. **_

*****************************************************************************/**

**Chapter 10**

**Doctor Carter Burke's Office**

**Monday 11:00 AM**

**Joint Session with Ava and Dr. Burke**

"Very Well Kate, as you know I record most of my sessions so your verbal approval is all I need, Mr. Castle, how do you feel about Dr. Gupta speaking openly about your condition?"

"Ava knows she can tell Kate everything, in fact, she better have already. This is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, once she knows all the baggage she's taking on." He locks eyes on a very misty-eyed Kate, so happy, so in love.

"Very well, shall we begin?"

Rick and Kate are sitting on the couch, holding on to each other's hand, Rick rubbing small circles on the back of hers, to relax her as much as he could.

"Mr. Castle, is that how you would like to be addressed, I noticed my colleague has used your first name, which do you prefer?

"Please call me Rick, I feel old enough already without adding the Mr. part" he laughed softly, revealing how nervous he was,

"Very well Rick, I know you and Kate have had some rough spots and this, well, this, eh*"

"This engagement Doctor?" Kate asked

"Yes, this engagement hasn't followed any traditional path, to say the least, but that's an observation, not criticism. I think you each have dealt with things that got you here, Kate with me and Doctor Gupta have supplied the pertinent notes about your situation Rick. Why don't each of you take a moment and think, if you had to choose what is the one most important result of this counseling you seek."

Rick looked at Kate, who smiled squeezed his hand and replied,

"I'd like to go first if I may doctor. Before I accepted my NDE, Rick was the very first person I felt safe enough to talk to about, I'm sorry no reflection on you, but I feel safe with him, Always." She looked up into his eyes, there was the love she knew he felt towards her.

"No hurt feelings here Kate, I'm glad you opened your heart, I know how closely you guarded the secrets you held within."

She blushed a bit, then felt her hand being massaged and feather-light circles, she turned to Rick, smiled, then continued.

"Rick NEVER asked me to do the things I did, quit the NYPD, turn my Mom's case over to another law enforcement agency, and chase him across the country, and yes it was a chase. I had hurt him so deeply, even worse than before he knew I loved him. I did these things to prove to him, I was willing to follow him anywhere he wanted to go, where he goes, I follow.

"I'm not some **_Stand By Your Man_** lady who will tolerate mistreatment, BUT I never had to worry about that with Rick. You see, I finally saw what so many others did, when he loves, he loves with all of his heart and will move heaven and earth to make you happy. All I had to do was be honest with him, and now that I figured it out, I could kick myself for all of the time I cheated us out of.

"He even gives me a pass for my horrible behavior, he told me things work out when they are supposed to, you can't dictate what the universe has in store for any of us," she sees smiles cross Ava's and Rick's faces, relaxing them.

"To answer the question, what I want out of these counseling sessions is to learn HOW I can be better to and for my husband to be. We've made tremendous headway, but I don't want anything to impede our love, I want it to grow and grow, and I know I have been the biggest obstacle in our relationship. Talking with Ava, with you, and with Rick has really shown me that all of the insecurities I had, all the feelings of failure were put in my head by me."

By the time she had finished her statement, tears fell gently from her eyes, Rick ever the gentleman, pulled his handkerchief out, dabbed her eyes, and then placed the hankie in her hand.

"Kate, that was the most honest you've ever been in any of our sessions, I know it took a great deal of courage, and I applaud the progress you've made. We'll deal with those issues once we hear from Rick." As he turned his kind eyes toward Rick, Kate saw Ava silently mouth, "You got this Rick".

"Thanks, Doctor Burke, I would disagree slightly with my beautiful fiancé, she seems to want to take on more blame than she deserves. As you said we've been through the path of how we got to be where we are, a lot of bumps in that road, but we're here." He patted Kate's hand and took it to his lips and kissed it gently.

"The answer to what I hope to get out of these sessions, perhaps one word, Guidelines. Guidelines to control feelings of guilt, shame, sadness, and to remember how to deal with emotions that I know will creep into each of our lives. Kate has gone through a lot, she's given up her entire world to prove to me she wants to be my world, and she's gone far beyond the point where she needed to convince me.

"We each have our NDE manifest itself in dreams, no ordinary dreams as we've been told. Ava has given us some coping mechanisms, and I would like to be sure that we have all the tools to help us enjoy our past, not fear of remembering or dreaming about it." Kate leaned in and kissed his cheek when he finished speaking, tears in her eyes.

"Well Rick, Kate you both worded it differently but are asking for the same thing, coping mechanisms, which I loved how you phrased it, Rick, allow you to enjoy your memories, not worry about the trigger of an NDE in an influenced dream.

Ava spoke up, Rick, Kate, there's a pencil and sheet of paper in front of you, I'd like for you to answer the following questions I ask with written answers, I'm sorry but you're going to have to let go of each other for a few minutes" she laughed,

Kate blushed, then thought the hell with it, I love him, I'm going to marry him, so she pulled him into a lip lock before she picked her pencil up, Ava smiled, and Rick looked shocked.

"Babe get used to it, this is me, well the new me and I plan on kissing you whenever and wherever I want to, and I want you to do the same" Kate smiled at him, stealing one more peck of the lips as he turned and picked up his pencil looking like a little boy who had just won a candy store.

"These should be rather easy, and short answers so here's the first one,

"Given any geographical area in the United States where would you like to make your home with your spouse, just consider you're already married for these questions" Ava smiled if you have more just list them in order of your preference"

They both lower their heads and write their answers,

"What is the most important feature in a spouse you seek, in other words, what act would make you consider or take actions to end the relationship, remember now this is after you are man and wife."

Once again, they write their answers,

"The last question, on a scale of 1-10 how important is having a child or children to you? One meaning not interested at all, 10 meaning you would go to extreme measures and costs to conceive OR seek a child through adoption. If you're not open to adoption please note that"

Ava gives them a few minutes then asks each to exchange papers as she repeated the questions,

"Rick please read Kate's answer to the first question, please"

"She said and I quote, "I love Phoenix, but I love Rick more, anywhere he wants to live I'll be happy as long as I'm with him. If pressed for a preference, Phoenix is number one, our fresh start, because it's where we admitted we were in love."

"Did that surprise you Rick?"

"A little, I thought she loved New York, but I love Phoenix as well. There's no reason why we can't live the summers in New York and winters in Phoenix, or wherever she wants. Like she said, as long as I'm with her I will be happy."

"Kate can you read Rick's response please," Ava asked.

"Anywhere Kate lives is where I want to be, she told me once she would live in a tent or homeless camp with me, I know she meant it now."

"Kate, does that surprise you?"

"Well, yes and no, I should know that this man would always put my happiness above anything, but I thought he was a New Yorker, he has friends there, business contacts. I like what he suggested, we split time, winters in New York can be brutal as are the summers in Phoenix so we could have the best of two worlds."

"It sounds like this would be a great tool to use when a compromise is needed going forward, Rick you asked for guidelines, this is a simple technique for you to see each other's point of view, that's why you read the other's answers.

Next question Rick, what is the deal breaker in marriage for Kate?

"She answered with one word, Infidelity Rick said quietly, she knows how much I was hurt before and I'm sure this is her way of assuring me how serious she's taking our relationship. She knows how I feel, and I think she, make that we both deserve only someone who loves us completely."

"Good, and Kate would you read Rick's answer?"

Kate's eyes pool with tears as she chokes out, "Cheating, of any kind, physical, emotional or mental. If you grow tired or stop loving me, tell me, I will go. I can't take another instance where I wasn't enough"

Kate turned to Rick, pulled him into her, whispering, "Babe, it wasn't you, you were always enough, maybe more than anyone could believe, but I promise you, I would take a bullet before I hurt you in any way again, please believe that"

He looked into her eyes, then smiled, the sincere smile he saved just for her, "I do, just practicing but seriously, I do believe you and I can't tell you how that makes me feel. I'm happy and for the first time in my life, sincerely confident in my partner"

"Last question Rick, can you read Kate's response, please" Ava smiled

"I never considered myself mother material, then again, I never thought I could be a wife, so I want kids, IF Rick wants them. I'll understand if he doesn't but I have to assign a number value, so 8, not that if I don't have them, we won't have a long happy relationship. I chose 8 to show it's more than a passing thought, as long as we raise them together."

"Very good Kate, I liked how you qualified your answer, can you read Rick's response now"

"He wrote, I'm ready for the 3:00 AM feedings, messy diapers, if Kate is, she will be the one going through hell to have kids, and the only thing that makes me hesitate at all is her heart after surgery. If she would be healthy, then 8, if there is one slight risk to her health then the number would be 1. She means more to me than anything in this world." She choked out before her tears fell like rain,

Rick has her in his lap now, he doesn't care where they are or what others think, his Kate is hurting, and she needs his comforting. She cried as he held her, then looked up, and said, "I love you, Richard Castle, I want to marry you sooner than later, maybe we can do it while we're in New York, I mean that's rushing it bu*"

Her answer came with a kiss from Rick, "I was hoping we could do it in the Hamptons next week, small but intimate, how does that sound?"

"Sounds like my dreams are all coming true, I love you, Babe"

They then realize they're at the doctor's office, they look up to see Ava with tears in her eyes smiling and an unusually large smile on Doctor Burke's face.

"I'm sorry, we're usually better behaved, at least Kate is" Rick laughed,

"Quite all right, we would love to see that rather than the battles that normally come when we do couples counseling. I know you love each other; a blind man could see that but have you considered what will happen when you have a fight, and all married couples fight, trust me" Doctor Burke rolls his eyes almost to signify his battle scars,

"Well, I spoke to Gina, Rick's ex-wife, and Rick confirmed it, we can designate one room as a safe room, as long as the door is closed the other doesn't intrude. When the door opens, we can either discuss it rationally or if the other party is still upset, switch places in the safe room. It will prevent us from sitting and throwing up ancient hurts and barbs that have nothing to do with our current status." Kate gushed,

"Rick how do you feel about that idea, and about Kate speaking with your ex-wife."

"There are no secrets between us, I want to keep it that way and I'm glad Kate and Gina can talk. I would worry if it had been Meredith, but not Gina, Kate understands what happened, the facts around it, and knows we are all good now. I like the idea, I just hope we never have to use it," he smiled

Ava whispered something to Doctor Burke, and he nodded his head.

"Rick, Kate, Ava and I agree, we both think you have the tools to deal with your NDE's, but we'll be close by if you feel you need us. Please remember all dreams come to us for different reasons. When one or more of your NDE's trigger a dream, embrace them, as you said they aren't any ordinary memory coming back to you, but of significant life events."

Kate looked up at Rick, still on his lap, and her head on his shoulder. She smiled, and whispered, "Thank You for Loving me so very much, I'll show you every day just how much I love you,"

"Kate, I want you to be observant, talk to Alexis or Rick's mother if needed, but if he displays any of the following signs, we will need to talk as soon as possible. Rick, it's not that you're damaged, but losing a child is one of, if not the most traumatic life experiences any of us will ever go through.

"I'm glad that Kate knows of Joanne, and has reached out to help Gina as well, but you have to remain diligent. These feelings of grief have a way of sneaking up on us. I worry more that if Kate does become pregnant you will start to relive the old memories, please reach out if that happens.

These are completely different times, different circumstances, and SIDS, as you know, is unpredictable, so please let's not add any worry or stress to either of you. If you are fortunate enough to conceive great, but as Rick pointed out Kate, he wants to ensure your heart can take the stress so there is some work to be done to satisfy his concerns," Ava was speaking as a doctor now, not a friend.

"Some signs to watch for, and this isn't a complete list by any means but, these will be key indicators, please call us immediately if these persist. We would rather know, even if it turns out to be a non-stress factor than if you took a chance and tried to tough it out;

_inability to cry, or reluctance to share emotions with your partner_

_ineffective in expressing feelings of sorrow, this is the old thought of just man up, suck it up act like a man,_

_unable to talk about Joanne, what she meant to you Rick, but she's gone, so the future is just that, Kate has demonstrated she's embraced your past all of it, so let her._

_prolonged deep depression, this is something most of us know, but signs of this include excessive use of alcohol, not sleeping, a deep feeling of sadness even during happy times_

_poor self-esteem, this is manifested many ways, but look for self-blame statements, _

_persistent guilt, both of you need to be diligent about this one, from our conversation today_

_excessive anger, or it doesn't need to be outbursts, watch for the quiet anger we sometimes display_

As I said, this isn't the complete list, but watch for any sign, and be prepared to discuss with each other, it's not a blame game, it's support. Ava, would you like to add anything to this?"

"Only that I know you two will do great, I'm here but now that you know what triggers your dreams, no ordinary dreams but those brought on by your NDE, I think you know how to cope with them."

"Do you have any questions for us?" Doctor Burke asked,

Rick looked at Kate and in the united voice they said at the same time, "Will you join us for our wedding next week" laughed, then closed the session with a kiss as Ava and Doctor Burke said, "We wouldn't miss it for the world, let us know the day and time,"

"Thanks for everything" as Kate hugged Ava, then Doctor Burke,

Ava hugged Rick, and whispered, "Thanks Rick, you know what for, we're all happy now"

"See you all next week, we'll let you know the day, time,"

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

**No Ordinary Memory **

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Another What If based on the continuing saga **_**Life Reassessment**_** loosely based on the episode, Cops and Robbers, except Rick is injured protecting Martha and Bank Teller Simone. It starts with Canon dialog, it goes quickly completely AU. Since this is a sequel, please read that first. No dinner, no boasts of who saved who, and twists of fate in the Castle's lives. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

_**Previously **_

"_**The bank bombing, Rick almost dying brought back a triple feature every time I closed my eyes, I couldn't see anything but his blue eyes, filling with tears, holding my head and telling me he loved me. If he died, he would never know I felt the same, so when he came around, I told him. **_

"_**Like his timing with me, my timing sucked as well, I hadn't thought out how to balance work with love, I never had to do it before, so I fell into the old habits till he called me on it. I thought I had lost him for sure, God my heart ached more from that than any bullet could ever cause. When he finally gave me another chance, I came clean with him, all of the details that I've told no one, not even you Doctor Burke. **_

*****************************************************************************/**

**Chapter 11**

**Two Weeks Later**

**Hampton Beach House**

**New York**

As hard as Rick tried, even knowing a guy, actually a lot of guys, he and Kate finally accepted that even with all the guys in the world, they would need an additional week to pull of the wedding. The biggest delay was Alexis, she was flying in from Oxford, along with Martha who was taking a break from her touring company. Ava and Jeremy were Godsends, living in the guest quarters but helping plan out a small but meaningful wedding, one that Kate would remember and never regret not just eloping, as she thought about often.

The pressure had been on both Kate and Rick, with one plan after another falling apart. Kate was in tears when she got the word her dress would not be ready, no matter how much her husband to be was willing to pay, for 5 more days, that was working around the clock for her. That was the first time she used the "Time Out Room" she entered, closed the door and sat and bawled.

Rick walked by and thought better than to enter after all that was the agreement they had made. When one was upset, rather than hurt the other they would go to the TO Room, wait till they could regain composure, and then try to discuss it rationally with the other. Ava gave her 15 minutes; she heard the sobs subside and entered.

"Kate, I'm here if you want to talk, but it's all going to work out. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself, Rick picks up on that and tries even harder to make things right, and that pisses you off. To him, he can't win, and he's right, think about it, WHY would he offer the seamstress a bonus of thousands of dollars to complete your dress the day you wanted?"

Kate looked up through tear-stained eyes, "Oh God, he's just trying to make me happy, and I snapped at him. It's the first time since we got together, well officially that I did that. I was wrong, I have to say I'm sorry."

"Yes, you do, but you also have to let him know he can't just take charge of everything, shake the corners of the earth to get you what you want, he will you know. Hell, he was getting ready to charter a plane to fly in the material if that was what was holding up the delivery." Ava smiled as she gently tapped her shoulder,

"Yeah but it's not right for me to snap at him as I did, God all he thinks about is my happiness, hell I don't know what I can do to help him, or make him happy. He's too consumed with doing everything for me."

"Well, there's a time and place for that Kate. Just like he can't expect you to go from a fiercely independent woman, working in a man's world for years to become a subservient wife, possibly mother, it will never work Kate. I think you overcompensated with your behavior trying to prove to Rick you were sincere, I admire it, but it's beginning to bite you. What would you have said to him had he tried that while he was just a shadow at the precinct?"

"I would have told him Thanks Castle, but I can take care of myself, but Ava, isn't that what marriage is, giving up yourself to make your spouse happy?"

"Think about your parents, who was the boss?"

"Both were, I mean some things Mom took the lead on and sometimes it was Dad, but one was never subservient to the other, oh my God, now what do I do? Rick's expecting me to continue to act the way I did when I got him back, or once again, I'll be lying, only this time it may not be only feelings hurt, it may end my marriage."

"So, what do you think Rick would say if you told him in a kind rational way, what we just discussed, Kate, he doesn't want a little dainty flower that needs constant attention, he wants the woman he fell in love with, strong fierce and loyal."

"He would agree, God, I go from one extreme to another, no wonder the poor man is having migraines. It's because of me, I bet,"

"So, what are going to do about it?" Ava isn't letting her off the hook,

"I'm going to call him in and first reinforce my love for him, and tell him that even if he thinks he's helping sometimes he has to let me handle it, and remind him that was who he fell in love with, as much as I love him, and understand, I just can't let him handle every problem"

"That sounds like a plan to me, start with the reinforcing you know why he's doing it, and how much you love him for it and appreciate his efforts, he's not unreasonable, I'm sure after a few moments he'll come around," Ava smiled,

"Ava, can you ask him to come in when you leave, and thank you, I don't know what we would have done without you, I don't even want to think about it."

"Sure Kate, and believe me, you guys saved me as well,"

Xx

Rick and Kate had their talk, Rick was glad Kate brought it up, since he wanted her to fit into the family circle, the Reds were very strong and he didn't want Kate to be intimidated. It was a great conversation, sealed with a great makeup session for her snapping at him. He was right, makeup sex was great, maybe she'd pick a fight every now and then. Suddenly it didn't really matter to them if they got married on a Monday, or Friday, as long as they did, in front of a few friends and family.

Alexis was due to arrive in from Oxford any minute, Martha was flying in three days later, she wanted to squeeze one more performance in before she left her acting group. Rick at first threatened to go ahead with the wedding without her, but Kate cooled him down.

"Once in her life I wish she would put someone else first, Kate, it's been about her my entire life and well, *"

"Babe, I know you're angry, you have a right to be, and I agree Martha could have shown more regard to you, if not us, BUT you don't want to regret any ill feelings about or towards anyone, do you?"

"I guess you're right, but we've moved the date twice, no more if she's here fine, if not I am not accommodating her anymore." He said firmly,

"I understand, but please, we've both fought too hard, too long, to let anything, or anyone spoil our day. Alexis will be here in less than an hour, Ava is here to help, and you need to get your part in order, especially writing your vows, this is one deadline you won't be able to miss" She kissed him and went out of sight, leaving him in his office to consider all she said.

He knew she was right, but also that Martha would do anything to become the star of the event, well he had his own plan to put into place. He had a feeling she would try to delay once again, and he was prepared, let her deal with Paula once he had filled her in on the details.

Paula was more than happy to gain some redemption against Martha, not one of her favorite people, and set the plan in place that afternoon, recording the entire conversation. She called her cell phone, the one that only Rick had the number, and left a message.

"Martha, this is Paula Haas, due to some last-minute snags, Rick will no longer be answering his phone. He wanted you to know that the wedding venue has been changed, in fact, you may want to move your flight up by a day, to ensure you make the date.

"He wanted me to inform all guests, including you, that the wedding is proceeding with or without their presence, and any member of his family that can't be bothered to attend would lose any financial support he is currently providing. He's serious, so as much as you dislike me, I am forced by my love for him to relay this message.

"Do not call anyone at the Hamptons, spend your time getting back to New York. One last detail, the arrangements you made chartering the private jet has been canceled, there is a coach ticket waiting for you at the counter at the airport in London. The last seat available, so Have a great day Martha, enjoy your flight."

Xx

**London, 4 hours later**,

Martha finally rolled out of bed to see she had a missed call, the beeping from the phone was the private phone that only Richard had the number, so she hurriedly grabbed it and began to listen to the voice mail. She began to fume, that ungrateful little snot, how dare he, she called his cell phone to find her number was blocked. The only recourse she had was to call Paula,

"Paula Haas speaking, Martha if you don't get to the airport within the next three hours you are going to miss your flight."

"Who the hell gave you the authority to cancel my arrangements, I had Richards approval to use the private jet."

"That was when you were coming with Alexis, then decided to stay longer, now the jet is booked somewhere more important"

"What can be more important than the mother of the Groom, I dare you!"

"You can dare me all you like, but I'm following Rick's instructions so if I were you I'd get my ass in gear, if you miss the wedding, you better have a lot of work lined up, Rick has already talked to Howard about the arrangements he wants"

"He wouldn't cut me off, he can't"

"He can, and he will, Martha. There is another lady in his life and he's not happy with you at all for the disrespect you've shown him and her, so take it up with them, Have a safe flight. Oh, you're in row 32 seat B, middle, so wear comfortable clothes, Goodbye" and hung up."

Martha reeled for a moment, but she remembered her son, he was slow to anger, but when he did, it was best to stand back. She had somethings to make up, so she called the company that handled his private jet, only to find out her credit card was on hold, all transactions need pre-approval. She knew then she was really facing his wrath and hurriedly prepared for the airport.

Xx

She had been trapped between two large men for the last 9 plus hours and finally saw the lights from JFK Airport come into view. She looked at her phone which now had adjusted back to EST time, realizing that the wedding was less than 14 hours away. She called Paula from the airplane as it made its way to the gate and arranged the car service to take her to the Hamptons, minus her usual grand entrance. She would be fortunate if she could squeeze in a nap before her hair, makeup, and dress, God her dress, she hoped there was something left in her closet she could wear.

She arrived at the Hamptons, appearing anything but her normal Diva self, and hurriedly made her way into the home.

"Grams, it's about damn time you showed up, why did you wait till the last minute, you know how much this means to Dad" Alexis was breathing fire

"Darling things came up that were out of my control, so I did get here before the ceremony, so what is the fuss?"

"The fuss? Mother of the Groom and you look and smell like shit. It's a good thing Kate, Eva and I went shopping for you to purchase your outfit, and before you say a word, you are going to wear it. I won't have you embarrassing Daddy, with some wild outfit you throw together thinking you are still in the '60s." Alexis left her no room to argue.

Martha knew when to leave well enough alone, and she retreated to her suite to bathe and prepare for the ceremony. She emerged looking like the mother of the groom from any wedding magazine 4 hours later, just in time to walk through the dry run, with Kate and Rick.

"Darling, how are you doing, you look wonderful" she gushed at Kate,

"Hi Martha we are glad you're here, it means a lot to us both, now can you excuse me I have to start getting ready." As she embraced her loosely and walked away.

Martha was left looking into the cold blue eyes of her son, fully expecting to get blasted by her behavior, he simply hugged her, and repeated, "as Kate said, we're glad you're here, but I was serious about your allowance. We'll discuss it at a family meeting later, but your days of doing what you want, are gone Mother unless of course, you pay for them yourself."

He turned, leaving a stunned Martha standing there, wanting a drink, but not daring to take one with her Granddaughter on the warpath. She chose to sit quietly sipping an Ice Tea until it was time for everyone to take their places on the beach, under the canopy Rick had erected to shield them from the sun or potential rain.

Xx

Rick and his best man, Jeremy were standing under the canopy as a small string section played the entrance song for Alexis, then the customary tune of Here Comes the Bride as Kate and her Dad appeared. She was a lovely bride, and her eyes sparkled the moment she spotted Rick in his tux. The guests were few, along with Ava and Jeremy only Lanie and Javi, Kevin and Jenny, Maddie and her date, and a few close friends from Rick's writing circle. Mayor Weldon was officiating the ceremony and the reception was to be held on the north lawn, everything had been seen to in great detail.

The music played, and as Kate neared Rick, she stopped, turned and kissed her Dad, and looked upward, mouthing something silent to her Mom in heaven. She stepped the three steps to her husband to be, took his hands in hers and turned to face him, nodding to Mayor Weldon, it was time to start.

"Dearly Beloved, friends, guests and family, we are gathered here today to join two of my very best friends in the world in Holy Matrimony, and I am bound to ask, if there are any objections please speak now or forever hold your peace. A moment of silence, then the Mayor continued, "Good, we didn't want to have to take anyone to the hospital on this beautiful day."

A small chuckle spread throughout the small gathering, but somehow it seemed almost a serious threat.

"Rick and Kate have chosen to write their own vows, and if you're ready Kate, please proceed with yours,"

Kate cleared her voice, looked Rick deep in his blue eyes as she began, her note cards in her hands, but she didn't look down to them once as she said.

**_"Rick, there have been many days when I was blind, and couldn't see what was standing in front of me, your love opened my eyes to see all that you are, all that you wanted us to be,_**

**_"There were days I allowed sadness to overcome me, to allow the darkness to steal all my light, your love was the sun that brought the light back into my life, our lives,_**

**_"There were days I feared to hope, to dream, afraid to seek joy, your love brought that joy back to my life, and made my dreams come true, more than I would ever have imagined possible,_**

**_"There were days I was so weak I wanted to give in, to quit, to fall, your love was the force that held me up, never letting me fall, it was the only thing that allowed me to go through it all, for me, for you, for us,_**

**_"There were days that I was weak, so much I lost my voice and couldn't speak, so weak I couldn't see, but through it all, you were my strength, you saw the best in me even when I couldn't see, you were the voice I needed when I couldn't speak, and your faith in me was the force that made me who I am, only because you love me,"_**

**_"From this day forward, I promise to be your shoulder to lean on, your source of comfort when things get rocky, and your partner in life, sharing the greatest gift in life, our love, all because you loved me even when I didn't see,_**

**_"You are my beginning, my middle, and my end, and I pledge to love you till we part through death, I love you Richard Castle, and make this pledge to be the best wife I can be, to be the wife you deserve, and I will love you, Always,"_**

Rick had wiped his eyes a few times during Kate's vows, and Lanie and Jenny were shredding the tissues and trying to remain quiet. Even Javi had cleared his throat more than once, he had never heard Kate speak in such terms, and the love was apparent to all to see.

"Rick you may proceed with your vows when you are ready," Mayor Weldon had seen his friend wipe his eyes and knew that the words from Kate had truly touched him.

**_"Kate, when I first met you, I knew that you were the woman I wanted to be with, to share my dreams and life's adventures with and that you were the woman that would continue to make me a better man, Always,_**

**_"Sometimes when I recall our history, I think our love has to be sent from heaven above, and please know that my love for you will only continue to grow, Always,_**

**_"You tell me I was the one who saved you, but in all honesty, I am who I am today, because of you, because I have you, I know our love will continue to grow, Always,_**

**_"Before I met you my life was as if I were walking through a thunderstorm, darkness all around, you were the sun that chased the rain away, leaving me to live in brighter days, I loved you then, I love you now, and I'll love you, Always,_**

**_"I was searching before I found you, I was lost and you found me, and gave me a reason to go on, to live, and to take a chance on love again, I love you, and I will Always_**

**_"From this day forward I pledge to you, my love, my devotion, and my heart, now and always, thank you for making me the happiest man on this earth, as long as I have you by my side. I love you, and I will Always"_**

Kate hadn't taken her eyes off of her husband to be, even when he said the words that made her heart swell with pride, and tears pool, she remained locked on his eyes.

Mayor Weldon repeated the vows, for exchanging of the rings, and as each slipped the ring on the other, a feeling of comfort and happiness neither had ever experienced before,

"By the power vested in me by the great state of New York, I now pronounce you, husband and wife, what God has joined together, let no man put asunder. You may kiss your bride Rick."

It was Kate who took charge and kissed her now-husband with all the love she could show, as they turned to walk the short distance to the lawn, bird seed was thrown as the tradition and the party was on.

Xx

Several hours later Rick was preparing for bed at the undisclosed location when his wife came in, kissed him sweetly and said,

"Thank you, Rick, you never gave up on me, I know it was hard, but I want you to know, I'm yours, Always"

"Well, wife, what do you say we start replacing some of those dreams with other memories, no ordinary ones, but the ones that make us remember for every day we went through something bad, it led us to here. I would do it all over again, provided I would wind up with you, I love you wife"

"I love you husband before we make those dreams, there's something else I'd like to make", as she turned off her light, and dropped he gown to the floor, all she heard was Rick's breath hitch, as she made love to her husband, for the first time.

The End

A/N Once again we have loose ends that you the reader can tie up to your satisfaction. I hope you enjoyed this continuation, and from our home to yours Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and Happy New Year to you all, Tim


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